Greenport Fairy Tale

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy," said six-year-old Bobby, "read me a 'Fairy Tale' before I go to sleep! PLEASE!"

"Oh, OK....", said Bobby's mother. Bobby and his poor, single mother live on Warren Street, on what is now known as Greenport, New York.

"Read me the story about the Hudson Fairy!" squealed Bobby.

"Again?" asked his mother.

"PLEASE!"

"Oh, OK, here we go....

There was was a cute little picturesque town called Hudson. People from all the neighboring villages and the BIG cities of Manhattan and Brooklyn would come to Hudson and eat really expensive burritos."

"Wow...how much is expensive, Mommy?" asked Bobby.

"It was $17 for a burrito in Hudson."

"Oh, Mommy, stop, this is the scary part!"

"Ok....so, one day, there was a fight and people in Hudson were yelling and screaming at each other."

"Like you and Daddy before Daddy left you for that red-headed whore?"

"Exactly, Bobby....that slutty whore, Danielle, who was my best friend. Just like that. Anyway, some of the people in Hudson LOVED to fight with each other."

"Why were the people of Hudson like that, Mommy?"

"Well, Bobby, some say it had something to do with the drinking water, which failed government tests and standards year after year, but the people of Hudson still had to pay for it!"

"That seems ridiculous!" said six-year-old, Bobby.

"It sure was!" said his mother. "Anyway, someone dropped a glass bottle of Absinthe and the Green Fairy of Hudson appeared!"

"WOW..." said Bobby, "was the Green Fairy pretty?"

"He wasn't bad-looking....there was definitely worse out there. The Fairy said, 'Happy Happy Up Up, little town of Hudson! There is no need for this squabbling and fighting! Why do you hold onto so much anger? Why do you generate so much needless drama and negative energy? You must forgive each other and get along peacefully in this little town. Hudson, get over yourselves, and just be happy! Dammit."

"THEN what happened?" asked Bobby.

"The people of Hudson said, 'Shut the fuck up, you fucking Fairy! What the fuck do you know, you, and your Pollyanna crap!'"

"Then what did the Fairy say?", asked Bobby.

"The Fairy said, 'Ya know what, FUCK YOU, you miserable pieces of shit!! You don't deserve anything. I don't need this. Ya know what, be fucking miserable, for all I care - see how far it gets you!! Bunch of assholes.'"

"Because, you see, Bobby, the Fairy was very idealistic, and thought that he could change other people."

"The Fairy was a Control Queen, right Mommy?"

"That's right, Bobbby...."

"The Fairy realized that some people are unhappy and that's the way they want it."

"And people are com....com....what's the word, Mommy?"

"COMPLACENT. Some people really don't want to change, Bobby. Change requires effort, and sometimes self-reflection, and some people just don't want to do it. Some people are happy being UNhappy. They continue what they're doing, not because it's good or right for them, but because it's what they're used to."

"OH...I see....THEN, what happened?"

"The Fairy was pissed-off and put an EVIL curse on the town of Hudson!"

"Wow," said Bobby, "that Fairy sure had a short fuse!"

"Well, Bobby, the Fairy had not gotten laid in Hudson in such a VERY long time, no one could remember. So, yes, it was a BITTER, EVIL, Fairy."

"Can Fairies do evil curses, Mommy?"

"Fairies can do whatever the fuck they want, Bobby. The Fairy put a curse on all the townsfolk of Hudson. Aliens came down from outer space, brutally slaughtered all the people of Hudson and ate them, just like we eat cows and pigs!"

"YAY!" squealed Bobby with delight, "brutally slaughtered Hudson people!! That's funny, Mommy!"

"Then the neighboring town of Greenport swallowed Hudson, and that's where we live now! So, what's the moral of the story, Bobby?"

"Suck Fairy Dick!"

"That's right, little Bobby, Suck Fairy Dick. Keep the Fairies happy, and LISTEN to them. Maybe one day, YOU'LL be able to suck Fairy dick as well, Bobby."

"I hope so, Mommy!"

"Sweet Walmart dreams, my little angel...."