This post has been sitting in drafts for months...I didn't want to put it up. It would be putting too much of myself out there.
But, that's the whole point, I guess...
A couple of weeks ago, I had a drink with my friend, Sean.
Sean's going to be 30, he's dating a 20-year old, Chris
I said, "what's the deal with Chris?"
Chris is very sweet guy (he cleans my apartment, another story...).
"Well, you know," whines Sean, "I like him, but I don't know...he's kinda young."
I said, "Yes, but you've been seeing him for a while, and having sex, no? And you enjoy each other's company..."
"Yeah', said Sean, "....but you know 20-year old's....they fall in love so quickly."
I stopped and looked at him and said, "and isn't that WONDERFUL?!?"
He stopped...."I guess you're right. They don't have all the baggage, huh?"
They're not worried, they're not afraid...
In yoga class, I've been working on the pose in the photo above, Pincha Mayurasana, forearm stand - "feathered peacock pose".
I tried it at the gym a while ago, with this guy, Paul, very nice guy, lives in Boston. He was going to help hold me up.
As soon as I went to put my forearms on the mat, I said to him, knowing I was going to fall...
"You know, I can't do this..."
He yelled at me.
"DON'T SAY 'CAN'T'! You're already setting yourself up for failure! Just try it."
I tried, he helped me, he held my legs up, and I did it. I think the hardest part was asking him for help.
And I keep trying to do it myself, every week.
Last week, in class, I pushed my legs up over my shoulders. I couldn't balance, and fell flat on my back, and my fat ass....
But I came up laughing.
I didn't get hurt. It was fun! I was fine.
I just got up and tried again.
I wasn't afraid anymore. I just got up and tried again....I was OK.
So, if a guy I'm dating doesn't work out, I'll cry for a few weeks.
And my friends can all say, "I told you so..."
I'll have a weekend or two of drinking or whatever...
But I'm not afraid of falling. I'll just get up and try again.
I want to be like the 20 year-olds, who so easily fall in love....