Monday, October 29, 2007

'here i go and i don't know why' -m. diver

spotty dog
saturday afternoon
hudson, new york

i'm reading a book. some middle-aged guy comes up to me

-hey, excuse me, but i think i know you
-oh
-are you.....muffy?
-sometimes
-wow! i thought i recognized you. you look a little different, you know, with clothes on
-funny
-my name is jeff. i'm a big fan
-thanks
-i read that you moved up here. i like your site
-thanks
-you like it here?
-yeah, people leave me alone
-oh. listen, i'm sorry, i'm going, but i wanted to ask you.....
-yes?

whispers

-do you still do, you know, private sessions?

an hour and a half later
my place
robinson street
hudson
dildo up his ass
he came buckets
he's sitting on the bed, getting dressed

-wow. that was great. i mean, my wife, you know, she would never, you know
-stick anything up your ass?
-right. wow. i mean, i'm not gay. i don't want you to think i'm gay
-you're not gay. i am
-right, right. haha you're so funny
-yeah, right
-thanks, again. my wife and i, sheez, i mean, she would never do that, and you know, we haven't for a while
-oh. sorry about that
-yeah, well. it's busy. the kids, work
-right
-we really don't have time for sex
-right
-and it's not like, the sex, well, it's not like this. it's not like you
-right
-maybe we can do this again, muffy?
-sure.
-that'll be so great. i mean, you're so good, and you listen
-right
-my wife, she never fucking listens. it's always we're going here, we're doing that. did you pick up the kids from soccer practice?
-hmmm
-and all i want is a lousy blow job every now and then
-right
-but she's too tired, or whatever
-i'm sorry
-you know what? i'm the one that's too tired. i'm the one that works every day. i have to put up with all this stupid shit at work so that she can have a new fucking landscaped yard
-do you like your job?
-does anyone?
-well...
-no. i hate it. but the kids still have to go through school. i have another ten years
-oh. what would you do instead? what would make you happy?
-what would make me happy? shit. no one's every asked me that before!
-oh
-you know, i've always wanted to write a book. i think i have a book inside me
-so, then why don't you write a book?
-humph. yeah, like who has the time?
-if it's what you want to do, then do it. if it'll make you happy...
-but i have bills to pay. i have the kids, the house, the two cars. when am i going to do it?
-make time
-there's no time. plus, it's a silly idea, writing a book! me?
-it's not a silly idea.
-that's what my wife calls it
-it can also be called a 'dream'
-yeah, thanks
-jeff, life is short. maybe you've created this world of responsibility and obligation around you as an excuse to stop you from writing your book, or living out your dreams? maybe you just don't have the confidence to live your life the way you want

he stops. angry

i think, shit, i did it again, i went too far

-who the fuck are you to say i don't have confidence?

i reach for the pepper spray by the bed

-nevermind
-who the fuck are you? you little whore. you live in a crappy house on crappy street on the crappy side of a crappy town.
-now you can leave
-fuck you, you little dyke whore! fuck you! damn right i'm leaving

slam!

that's why I get the cash in advance.

6 comments:

Agnes said...

Cash in advance.

Anonymous said...

You're a smart girl, Muffy. Always cash in advance - and NEVER let them video/record anything !

Anonymous said...

"Here I go and I don't know why."

How about, "Because the world doesn't need any more novels written by suburban dads."

Anonymous said...

I went to the circus
It was cash in advance
The barker was yelling what's on
He said come to the circus
You can smell the romance
See all the tigers and elephants dance
Thousands of suckers paid up for the chance
And the circus was just like home.

Anonymous said...

Said I couldn't rhyme, that's funny
Women didn't want it but now they yell honey
Bring 'em to the house
Watch 'em come out the blouse
Unzip the pants then watch the snake dance
Assume the stance, cash in advance
I got the full package but watch the right hand.

Anonymous said...

Who wrote that last rap? Lance Bass? Nelly? Kanye West? Fresh Prince?