Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Finally… RECIPES!

Hi girls, it's Rose Marie.

The Lucille Drive Crafting Club met Monday night for our annual holiday “do something for the poor people of Hudson” get together, and boy did we have a blast after our first few pitchers of gimlets. Even my son Richie enjoyed himself, which is easy to understand as he was the only man there surrounded by all these lively Hudson ladies.

I'm here to help you get in the Christmas Spirit!


1/2 oz Rose's® lime juice
1 lime wedge
Gin (whatever you have on hand) to taste

We crafters were practical this year – we made no "pink" or "blue" blankets for distribution at Bliss Tower, just yellow, as there is no sense in giving kids today ANY sort of gender identity, what with Hilary Clinton heading for the White House.

After I ran out of gin, I’m afraid we had to crack into the altar wine I had stored in the garage for Christmas services at St. Mary’s. We were on such a roll, a few of those baby blankets we knitted and quilted and crocheted might end up being used as dropcloths or boat tarps...

Oh, and I made a special Martha Stewart Living May 1994 issue homemade broomstick from last year's cut-up Christmas tree for that old wench living in the shrubs in Park Place. I hope the kids visiting the appropriately religious Christmas display on the Seventh Street Park don’t see her and then start confusing Christmas with Halloween!

Of course, with the gimlets, I served my famous Christmas candies.


Close-Up® Cinnamon Red and Mint
(for that cheery red and green theme)
Reynolds® Cut-Rite® Wax® Paper®
(6¢ off with coupon from last week’s Register-Star®)

Squeeze toothpaste into small little circular dogpiles on the wax paper sheets set in a cookie pan.
Let dry on a sunny windowsill until hard.

Serve and enjoy!

If I have any left over after New Years, when people will eat prettymuch anything, I let them get really, really hard and throw them at the children gathered for the Flag Day Parade from the Don't Abort Your Baby float (I don't throw them too hard or I might put someone's eye out) - you know those patriotic kiddies who hang out at the Flag Day Parade longingly hoping to get a glimpse of a real Army man or Marine and his sweaty bulging biceps and tightly packed camoulflage pants... oh my word. But that’s not what I’m here to talk at you about.

Oh yes. That oh-so-annoying effervescent young redheaded lady who just moved to town wanted to remind you to drop off a toy at the new, I don’t know, “Hindu” restaurant on Warren Street called the Lead Pot - or whatever - like I’d eat ANYWHERE on Warren Street other than Kennedy Fried Chicken or the diner.

Anyway, if a $5 Barbie (like I could wrench one away from Richie’s collection) - or as I seem to recall them being called, “Christie” doll - or "Red Dot Barbie" - like in the picture - HA! I just made that up! And I should have gone into marketing, as I was calling them "Brats" way before Mattel® ever did. Well, if it will lighten up SOME little girl or boy's depressing Christmas morning, you should just DO IT.
Have a nice day!


aaron said...

fuck this shit, i want a new survey that includes kennedy fried chicken!

Anonymous said...

From the Hudson Opera House teen poetry jam:

When she’s slipped the bag of cocaine,
Barbie ducks into her favorite alley.
She pulls her head off and fills herself up
as though she’s as innocent as a shapely salt shaker.

Miss Muffy Diver said...


Anonymous said...

I'll bet that's the same broomstick Trixie got black lipstick all over at the Red Dot on Halloween, and Rose Marie's just regifting it...

Anonymous said...

Mom, if you go in my room and touch my Barbies - before you can gulp down another gimlet it will be Home for the Aged on Union Street, OK? And they ain't got a liquor license. Have a nice day. Love, Richie.

Agnes said...

Listen sister the old wench living in the shrubs on park place knows where YOU live.

PS and I have friends who are cats.

Anonymous said...

Unless I am mistaken, I believe that the exact same candy recipe is in the December issue of "Gourmet"

Anonymous said...

Unless I am mistaken, I believe that the exact same candy recipe is in the December issue of "Better Trailer Parks"