Thursday, January 10, 2008

Todays post is all about BJs

Get your mind out of the gutter kiddos!

BJ stands for Bartels & James.

Tippy taught me a new word today.


Alcopop is "an alcoholic beverage apparently made from malt liquor and fruit juice, often with a carbonated beverage and sugar." Sounds yummy!

But I call them wine coolers. Nothing better on a hot sunny day. Or any day or night for that matter!

My pals and I were talking.
What Hudson really needs is a good wine bar...

Dont you always hear me saying that? A good wine cooler bar... a good wine cooler bar... a good wine cooler bar... someplace really classy you could go before or after a hard days work and enjoy yourself. A girl likes a little swank you know or as the kids call it blink.

Pick Your Strawberry Daiquiri, Exotic Berry Berry, Santa Margarita, Pina Colostomy, Melon Spunk Splash, Pineapple Boat People, Holy Blackberry Batman, Rope Alley Raspberry, Strawberry Sex and The Cosmopolitan, Blue in the Face Hawaiian, Wetback Watermelon, Orange Sunset Over Mount Merino, Love Apple Orchard Passion, Britneys Fuzzy Navel.

Trixie calls them muffin tops -- but I call them fuzzy navels. The glass is always half empty in Trixies world but half full in my Hudson dont you know. Hopefully.

What was I talking about again? The New Hampshire Primary? Who was a better Catwoman - Eartha Kitt, Julie Newmar or Lee Merriweather? Schizophrenia? Oh yeah - FEELING GOOD. Happy Days. Sour mash. MASH.

Barrtles & Jaymse has been around so long they are practically antique.
Rose Marie was probably their first customer.

BJs will be Hudson's future!
Street corner microbusinesses.
More Alcomom and Alcopop Shoppes.

I mean Hudson needs an upscale joint, people are tired of drinking out of paper bags in the alley or at church or sitting in an antique shop or in between dumpsters on Union Street. People want a fancy establishment around so they can get their drink on.

So my friend Bill the junk man and I are going into business and opening a wine bar.
At Fifth and Warren.
Right on the street corner.

Where Bill has his junk sidewalk sale every day.
See like I say location location location.
Cash up front.

Our wine bar will be deluxe and exclsuive. Bill has an ice chest and some chairs and a nice all season tent. Our pal Habib at the Sunoco is gonna let us have old bags of ice for twenty five cents. Ive been collecting glasses from outside the Second Show and John Doe. And we plan to have a happy hore every Friday with chicken wings from Kennedy and entertainment from wherever we can get it. And well get our wine coolers at Trader Joes whatever is on special.

And I dont know but Bills got some sort of diplomatic center square immunity from the Hudson police who never busts him ever. Must know Peter Marshall or something.
Wish I had some sort of immunity then I never would have had to do that six months at the womens home of detention or get treated for scabies afterwards.
If Id of had immunity I wouldnt have had to do those twelve years of community service at The Iron Whores neither.

Hudson really needs a 24 7 wine bar because its hard sitting around waiting for Hudson Wine Merchants to open at eleven am every day. Sunday at noon that is pure torture and crazy - we have to get to Saint Marys! And the wine coolers at Hudson Wine Merchants they just arent fruity enough anyways.

Bill and I will have happy hore every day. Four BJs for the price of three daily.

And top flight street entertainment like the Naked Cowboy.
But we'll make him cover up.
Dont want to offend Rose Maries delicate sensibilitys.

Also just so you know how classy we are Tippy will be hosting an introduction to wine coolers class. For credit at Columbia Greene. And well have a wine cooler du jour every day at du jour time you know red white blue yellow pink rose whatever.

PS Tippy corrected me its Happy Hour not Happy Hore.

So plan to drop by our corner this spring and tie one on with Aggie and Bill... and thank you for your support!


Trixie said...

It's about time, Agnes!

You've only had this idea for twenty years....

Agnes said...

I did?

Anonymous said...

I want the Naked Cowboy's jockeys.

Anonymous said...

"...happy hore every day. Four BJs for the price of three daily."


Anonymous said...

A sublime photo in the Feb. Vanity Fair heralds Mister Jackmans upcoming screen appearance in a movie called "Australia" (Nicole Kidman "I've never had plastic surgery" is some stupid love interest).
Jackmans Awesome thighs clad in skintight suede thundering across the bush on horesback! "Down Under" indeed!!!!

Anonymous said...

I hear there's a wine bar opening on Warren Street.

Agnes said...

"I hear there's a wine bar opening on Warren Street."

Well HELLO Hudson New York I think I posted that last week! Its good to know people read this thing. Go up to the hospital they are doing an alzheimers pill clinical trial testing maybe you can join.

Wish they would do more of those nighttime cold relief clinical trials now those were a whole lot of fun. Nyquil red bull and vodka can really get you going if you know what I mean just ask Britney.

Rose Marie said...

Dear Agnes,

I mix mine with Robitussin. It's a lot smoother than NyQuil, and the color is more elegant as well.

Not that elegance really matters to someone who wears the same pink track suit seven days a week.

Your friend,

Rose Marie

Anonymous said...

Vanity Fair: James Fisher and Jonathan Kelly spotlight Baz Luhrmann’s new World War II epic, Australia, which sends Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman to the outback.

Is this like “Survivor Australia”? Will only one of them make it back?

I sure hope it is Hugh.

I can only imagine Barbie Kidman’s face melting in the noonday sun.

Anonymous said...

Also from the new Vanity Fair...

Patrick Demarchelier and Amy Fine Collins spotlight The Women, a remake of Clare Boothe Luce’s 1930s sudsy social satire (think Eva Mendes for Joan Crawford, Annette Bening for Rosalind Russell, and Meg Ryan for Norma Shearer).

I am thinking... and I'm thinking TRAINWRECK.

I mean, how about Meg Ryan instead as the Countess DeLave? I think that role is more apropos. And if she's not available, Sally Struthers.

Anonymous said...

I want to be the saddle on Huge Jackmans horse.

Rose Marie said...

I'm not sure I'm following your visual metaphor - certainly you don't want Hugh Jackman's ass in your face?!

Anonymous said...

Hugh Jackman has a donkey?

Rose Marie said...

I don't know why this took me so long, my dear Agnes...

I certain you mean WINO BAR, am I wrong?