Thursday, January 17, 2008

Who Knew? This Jewish thing is going too far...


Lyrics by Hudson's "Edith Head"

If I were a cute fuck,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
i would have stuff in my biddy biddy bum.
If I were a real cute fuck.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
I would marry biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I'd buy a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of town.
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
and also a full equiped dungeon, just for show.

I'd fill my ass with dicks from chicks and toys from John's
For the town to see and hear.
(Insert)Moaning just as noisily as I can. (End Insert)
And each loud "pump" and "grab" and "paddle slap"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say "Here lives a well plowed man."

If I were a cute fuck,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
i would have stuff in my biddy biddy bum.
If I were a real cute fuck.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
I would marry biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.
.......you see what happens when Harvey Fierstein comes to town!
OY!

12 comments:

aaron said...

gwen is not wearing pink chiffon or sparkles.... really now!

Rose Marie said...

Oy! This Jewish thing HAS gone too far!

Well, I was on the ladies committee that suggested to our dear, dear friends that they leave Warren Street in the first place, so I guess I have enough background to fill you in on a little Hudson history here.

The names of the first Jewish settlers in Columbia County are not known, but the earliest legible date on a tombstone in the old Jewish cemetery up on the hill is 1864. Most of the local Jewish immigrants came from Eastern Europe. They were peddlers, shopkeepers, bakers, farmers, laborers, doctors, lawyers and indian chiefs. They were seeking a better life with freedom to worship without fear of persecution, blah blah blah. You'll learn all about THAT in Fiddler on the Roof.

In Hudson, Shvitz Bod Ohav Sholem (Bathhouse of the Men of Peace) was incorporated in 1868 and a house of worship was built on Diamond Street (now Columbia, which Agnes can fill you in on in detail) between 5th and 6th Streets. The Congregation disbanded about 12 years later, and the building became known as Woodsmen’s Hall, and today, well, today I'm not even going to discuss what the building is used for today but it IS within the bounds of historical accuracy. Suffice it to say I don't approve.

In 1885, 40 local Jewish families whose names I don't know either hired Rabbi Morris Katz as their spiritual leader. He was also Cantor, Shochet, Hebrew teacher, head of the Chevra Kadisha, bookkeeper at Marsh & Bachman, and was something confusing called a Mohel. The Synagogue was officially incorporated in 1888. As the Congregation grew, it moved from 14 South Front Street to 9 Diamond Street to 16 Willard Place to 22 Robinson Alley to 17 McKinstry Place and then to 14 Warren Street. The latter site was purchased in 1907, and the building was completed in 1913. The Ladies Auxiliary (now the Sisterhood, completely unrelated to the sisterhood that ran for mayor) organized in 1906, joined with the men in raising funds for that purpose. The Congregation continued to grow and in 1921 a building at 247 Warren Street was purchased to serve as both a Hebrew School and Jewish Center. There was also a Mikvah at the rear of the building. Whatever the hell a Mikvah is.

Over the years, the community had started to change from Orthodoxy to Conservatism, and on March 15, 1961, the Congregation affiliated with the Conservative Movement by joining General Synagogues of America. During the same year, property on Joslen Boulevard in Greenport was purchased as a site for the current building. The first very successsful fund-raising affair for this venture was held on May 16, 1963, with entertainment by the team of Aggie and Fredericka, members of the Sisterhood. On Sunday, November 13, 1966, a groundbreaking ceremony was celebrated with local, state, and international celebrities present. Less than a month later, the old Synagogue building on Warren Street was sold to the Shiloh Cadillac Dealership and Baptist Church. The new Synagogue building on Joslen Boulevard was dedicated on September 8, 1968, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

On November 7, 1998, a dinner party and dance was held to recognize the 30th anniversary of the Synagogue in Greenport, and on the same night the DAR held a dinner dance which I chaired at their headquarters on Warren Street.

Anything else you want to know?

Anonymous said...

Anything else I want to know?

Yeah, Rose Marie, will you be waving from the back seat of a Lincoln Contintal convertible in the Flag Day Parade this year?

Because I got a nice window picked out in the Warren Street School Book Depository...

Anonymous said...

Can someone enlighten me to the Gwen Stefani/No Doubt connection?

Which album was "If I Were a Cute Fuck" on?

Anonymous said...

Would Gwen play the matchmaker?

Anonymous said...

Gwen can match me and Gavin Rossdale, sure...

Trixie said...

How many Hudson mayors have been circumsized?

Miss Muffy Diver said...

the past two

that's all i know

Trixie said...

More lyrics:

Do you ever take drugs so you can have sex without crying?

yeah, yeah

Do you ever take drugs so you can have sex without crying?

yeah, yeah

There's a dream in your head that will never come true.

There's a stickiness all over and it didn't come from you.

You had wish you Dad had been there, but most often times he was not.

You can't put your arms around a dirty gang bang come shot.

But that's you get.

That's all you get.

-- Sarah Silverman

Anonymous said...

Yeah yeah yeah!

Anonymous said...

Sarah is a true romantic.

Anonymous said...

Has Sarah met Diego? I mean, given their mutual fondness for anonymous gang bangs...