Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Anal Assist by Agnes!

Ill point you in the right direction kiddos! All over Diamond Street they call me the "Hudson AAA."

My analytics need to be applied now you see. The latest poll What is the Most Important Element of a Gay Party in Hudson? has closed and so I will use my logic and explain it all for you young ones that may not understand everything about this great big world.

40 people voted. Tippy get out your calculator.

Booze got 2 votes and cheap liquor got 4 votes. Well we all know which ones live North of Warren (booze) and which ones live South of Warren (cheap liquor). So 6 people or 15% of Hudson doesnt know the difference between booze and cheap liquor. No big surprise there. We all know who you are and where you sit at the bar at the Red Dot.

The liquor votes from Ward 3 werent counted since those people all drink out of paper bags when they go out.

Drag queens got 5 votes.

So Trixie voted 5 times.

Good music got 6 votes out of 40.

So there is an 85% chance that the Four Nations Ensemble will not be playing at Trixies party anytime soon and you can leave your cello at home along with your underwear.

Gogo Boys got 11 votes and Kennedy Fried Chicken got 12 votes.

Well I have an appetite for these things and those gogo boys Friday night WERE chicken. A whole bucket of breast legs and thighs Id say.

So 23 people total in Hudson have a taste for well how do you say it they have a Lolita complex which is an attraction for sexy younger people with nice skin tone not wearing a lot of clothing and sucking on lollipops and shaking their moneymakers right in your face.

Junk swinging in my face? Well I just say thats all normal and healthy.

So over half of Hudson (57.5% thanks Tippy!) is healthy.

Columbia Greene Hospital has absolutely nothing to do with that.

Our sexual natures has everything to do with our being healthy.

And maybe Columbia Greene hospital needs to hire more sexy nurses and bedside manner feel you up doctors and hot hairy chested EMS guys in tight trousers.

And not grumpy old ones who ask me whats wrong with Agnes now.

So maybe the Columbia Greene emergency room could become a nightclub and Gio could DJ there and Trixie could wear her slit to there nurses outfit and give prostate exams and penicillin tequila shots and Big Momma could make you fill out pages of paperwork to get a drink and then go on break and lose your records and Rose Marie could protest outside and hand out flyers and give people pregnancy tests when they are in front smoking.

People are talking about making the Hudson Correctional Facility a prison for sexual predators and I dont know about that. Sexual predators generally are just cheap guys with no money and bad haircuts who dont know how to treat a lady right and try to get in her pantys for free and have cars without radios.

These no account sexual predator guys live all over Columbia County and have places to go out in Hudson and it was nice that Trixie took one of their places over for a night for her party and cornfused them.

And thats my analassist so now you understand.

Tippy your camera got it wrong its 40 years not 140. Stupid cat.


Anonymous said...

Agnes with mathmatic skills like those I am sure you know 2 cocks are better than 1. And they pay double for a single slot...

Rose Marie said...

"40 people voted."

Forty people escaped the COARC shortbus is more like it...

Trixie said...

Agnes, you need AA, not AAA.

Agnes said...

American Apparel!

I swear by their cotton-spandex mesh brazilian boy briefs. Every color. Theyre clean I swear!

Anonymous said...

American Airlines

Agnes said...

"We know why you fly. We're American Airlines!"

I worked for them for a while in the '60s but it was highway robbery the gentlemen there all wanted to join the mile high club for free and that just aint right. Honey if you want the first class upgrade you pay Agnes.

Trixie said...


You've never been beyond Greenport!

Who are you kidding?

What kind of "flying" were you doing?

Agnes said...

I thought something was strange they only had one bus and it just did a loop around Fish and Game Road...

Trixie said...


The only numbers you're good with are from the base of his balls to the tip.

st agnes said...

As Roman law did not permit the execution of virgins, Sempronius had a naked Agnes dragged through the streets to a brothel. As she prayed, her hair grew and covered her body. It was also said that all of the men who attempted to rape her were immediately struck blind.

When led out to die she was tied to a stake, but the bundle of wood would not burn, whereupon the officer in charge of the troops drew his sword and struck off her head, or, in some other texts, stabbed her in the throat.

It is also said that the blood of Agnes poured to the stadium floor where other christians soaked up the blood with cloths. A few days after Agnes' death, a girl named Emerentiana was found praying by her tomb; she claimed to be the daughter of Agnes' wet nurse, and was stoned to death after refusing to leave the place and reprimanding the pagans for killing her foster sister. Emerentiana was also later canonized.

Agnes said...

Say what?

Rose Marie said...

Agnes, you ignorant slut. What on earth did you do all those Sunday mornings at Saint Mary's???

handyman said...

Jesus Fuckin Christ! I guess Miss Trixie is a modern day Saint in our very midst cause the hair done grown all over her body too. Everyone knew she was virginal and chaste and all but I never realized thats what she was prayin for down there on her knees all the time. I was thinkin to try and get me a little hootchie cootchie from Trix but Lordie I don't wanna be struck blind or nothin!

Anonymous said...

What day is Saint Trixie's Day? What is she the patron saint of?

Rose Marie said...

I seem to recall that St. Trixie is the Patron Saint of backaches and sweaty heads.

Anonymous said...

The patron saint of hairy palms is more like it.

Anonymous said...

and St Agnes is the patron saint of blowjobs mouthwash and lotteries

Agnes said...

Agnes. Thats me. My saint is Patron. But any tequila will do with a chaser.