Wednesday, February 27, 2008

More Anal Assist

Yes another poll has closed! The poll topic was about what sort of theme party shall we have in Hudson? So heres my anal assist to explain it to you kiddos.

Call this community service if you want to Rose Marie. I know its not the same kind of community service you did in the garage under the Hudson police station to get those DUIs off your record.

Why is the naked man on the City of Hudson sign riding the whale backwards? Is this what they call autistic license? Maybe someone can call the DAR to explain. Someone at the DAR must have been there when this happened. Or ask the present mayor.

Now first Agnes shall anal eyes and discuss the write in votes. Those clever people who emailed Miss Trixie directly to say what kind of theme party they want. Wiseasses. What do they think this is a democrassy?

Here we are. We have one vote for Napalm All South of Warren party. One vote for Bulldoze Bliss Tower party. One vote for Bonfire Across Union Street party. One vote for Strafe State Street party. Eleven votes for Barbed Wire All The Way Down Warren Street party. One vote for Bomb Athens Out of Existence party.

Do you sense any negativity here? Is it just me? Is it a full moon? Ya gotta say this town is in total mutual disagreement over something.

As if the Hudson Police Department doesnt have enough trouble on its hands harassing motorists. And as if the Fire Department doesnt wish they liked their wives more so didnt have to volunteer every weekend.

More write in votes. One vote for Alcoholism Night and one vote for Get Off Your Stool at the Red Dot One Night a Month Night and one vote for Sleep in a Snowbank Night.

One vote for Karaoke Night, and one vote for Love the Developmentally Disabled Hudsonian Night. Ackshully it says Let the Developmentally Disabled Hudsonian Orally Pleasure You Tonight 555-8765.

One vote for Creme de Menthe night. Yum!

These here are all costume nights. I guess. One vote for Second Show Showoffs. One vote for Five and Diamond Gems. One vote for Salvation Army Exemplars. One vote for Goodwill Goodies. One vote for Plaid Night or Most Disliked Mayoral Candidate. One vote for Social Nudism Arrives in a Town Called Hudson (SNATCH.)

How about this. Wear a Costume Get in Free party! Except you wouldnt make any money on the Social Nudism party nights because everyone could just get naked and get in for free.

OK now to the official votes.

Leather and Lace - 3 votes (8%)
I was just reading a soggy Vogue magazine at John Doe and I seem to recollect this is very Thierry Mugler Spring 1987 so I guess this means a retro party. Think WHAM! That Michael George is a hottie. I'd better start shopping at Sals for this one now. Salvation Army dont get much cowture.

Pajama Party - 14 votes (37%)
When some snoop asked Marilyn Monroe what she slept in she replied Channel Number Five. I am with her on this one. I dont own any pajamas either. But I dont have any Channel Number Five either. But I do have some Avon Be Kissable Eau De Toilette Parfum De Spray. So I guess that this party is another SNATCH party. Social Nudism Arrives in a Town Called Hudson. And also it smells pretty!

Insert the gratuitous picture of Hugh Jackman here Tippy OK?

White - 5 votes (13%)
I think Hudson is pretty racially divided as it is with the Greek Orthodontics on one side of the town and the Hindunesians on the other and the Kiwanis on the other. I didnt see Black Party in our voting options or Yellow Party or Tan Party or Red Party.

Ill bet that beeyatch Rose Marie must be behind the White Party idea.

Why not a Green Party? Then we could serve creme de menthe! And support the Parc Bench Foundation.

Military/Uniform - 9 votes (24%)
A natural for Hudson Flag Day! We could show that we support our troops and want them to come home real darn soon.

And there could be a dont ask dont tell booth.

I could recreate a Andrew Sisters routine... with Fredericka and Rose Marie... la la la la both mother and daughter working for the yankee dollar!!!

Hold tight la la la la I want some sea food mama Shrimpies and rice theyre very nice I like oysters lobsters too I like my tasty butter fish fooo When I come home late at night I get my favorite dish fish!

That always gets the boys really worked up if ya know what Im talking about.

Where was I?

Spunk Night - 4 votes (10%)
Coming soon spunk night. Thats a disgusting sophomoric joke. I like it! But someone has to mop the floor later. Oh this must be all the New York degenerates I hear about who voted for this one. But it does support our local Columbia County dairy industry.

Socks Hop - 2 votes (5%)
I think these must be all the same SNATCH nudism people worried about their feet getting all cold at Jasons. So they want a party where they just wear socks and hop. Not a SEX hop.

Whorehouse a GoGo - 10 votes (27%)
This would be the same as last Fridays Whorehouse Party. Except the gogo dancers would be kept chained in cages to keep them from going all out of control tearing clothes off like last time.

Disco Night - 8 votes (21%)
This sounds like straight night. Well I guess ya gotta let them have their fun too just to be fair and all. Saturday Night Fever was the big disco picture and didnt Johnny Travolta star in it and isnt he straight? Isnt he?

Superheros - 4 votes (10%)
I guess this is the Friends of Hudson Stop the Plant party. They are going to have an SLC pinata. Except I dont know how a cement pinata works. Well the climate is different in Tijuana so maybe this is a bad idea.

Dirty Crack Whore - 8 votes (21%)
This makes a lotta sense. No one in Hudson would have to dress up up for it. Not even the Common Council. They would just have to wake up and roll out of bed for it. They could also call this party the Breakfast at the Columbia Diner party.

Kennedy Fried Chicken - 7 votes (18%)
Well this idea makes the most sense with seeing how people in Hudson like chicken so much. Breast legs and thighs. Have I mentioned before that Kennedy Chicken is Halal which means permissible to our Islamic community so they would be would be welcomed at our parties as well? Barack Obama has some nice costumes people are saying we could dress like him for the party. Maybe it should be in November. Its nice to be inclusive. A real home town celebration.

And thats my deep in depth analassist.

So dont play dumb and pretend you dont understand anything or Ill hit you with my purse.


Anonymous said...

I'll go to the Hugh Jackman party.
Whatever happened to a benefit ball, or putting a donation box in Red Dot for a "Buy a House in Hudson for Huge Jackman" fund?

Anonymous said...

Agnes you remain the calm voice of sanity in the otherwise mad 12534.

Anonymous said...

The "Buy a House for Hugh" fund just got smaller - they dropped the price of that shack on Tanner's Lane to $25K.

aaron said...

Agnes for mayor in 2009

Trixie said...

Agnes can be Mayor as long as Tippy runs the Dept of Public Works.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to bend Hugh over and give him a little anal assist...

Anonymous said...

So I take it Military Spunk Crackwhore aGoGo won! Great! What night is the party?

Tippy said...

YoU thINK I'M StUPid Or SOMETHing?

This Is hUdsON!!!

i WaNt tO be in CHARge of PUbLIc pErKS!

Anonymous said...

Trixie you know there's more reading here this week than there was in the Register Star this past month!

Anonymous said...

Brains, 25 cents?

Trixxie, take that 49 cents of tax money now and stock up!