Thursday, February 7, 2008

My Advice for Britney!

La la la you wait little girl on an empty stage
For fate to turn the light on
Your life little girl is an empty page
That men will want to write on
To write on la la la la la...

Sheesh that girls a mess! She needs someone older and wiser telling her what to do. Whup her upside the head and give her some sense.

Like ware practical shoes. Then you wont hurt yourself so bad if you fall off them.

And carry a portable umbrella, and carry change for a $100.

If some man calls and asks if you want to be on the MTV awards just say no.

Pink wigs dont flatter no one and they make you stand out in a police lineup.

Make a plan before you get in his car. I call it a pre-schtup. Why do you marry these buggerers if you don’t plan to stay with them? There no law that says you have to marry a feller after spending a week or two in the sack with him. I mean that Kev sure didnt have “keeper” stamped on his rump in the first place -- but sometimes its nice having a man around the house you know carrying packages and zipping you up and and being a babydaddy and changing the pampers and all that. So you should stick it out for an extra month or two to get something out of the marriage and give the kiddos a nice memory of what two parents at the same time is like.

Or maybe you need a pet. Tippy is a good friend of mine and he does my taxes for me and says Im getting $600 back this year but he says the cats in LA are all insincere flakes and he doent want to move there so maybe you need yourself a dog.

And dont get married in Las Vegas dont even go there. What happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas-- in Las Vegas and wherever else the pappa ratzi publishes it which is everywhere from Catskill to Catmandoo. Nothing comes outta Las Vegas except indigestion in your stomach and in your wallet and I know that and I aint ever been there.

Oh and start a college fund for the kiddies. At the rate youre spending your dough they are gonna have to be working their way through Pasadena Community College by working at Sunkin Donuts.

Oh and one last thing. Fresh panties daily. Its not so hard. If you cant find a fresh pair of pantys to put on anywheres in your 78 bedroom Beverly Hills house that maybe thats gods way of saying stay home tonight and find the bedroom with the warsher and dryer in it.

Oh yes and always keep a clean purse and a tidy bush. Or is it the other way around.

8 comments:

Agnes said...

Yeah Aggie you're getting $600 for stimulating the economy.

Trixie said...

And don't befriend any old whores.

They're no good!

Linda said...

You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby you're no good

I'm gonna say it again
You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby you're no good

Oh, oh no
You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby you're no good

Rose Marie said...

Chapter 1 of "Miss Trixie's Guide to Being Popular in Upstate New York"

Miss Trixie says, "And don't befriend any (fill in the blank)!

That's it sister, spread peace and love, and you'll save a lot on the catering bill at your funeral.

I'm just sayin'...

Agnes said...

Dont befriend any old bores. Thats what I heard her say dont befriend any old bores.

Tippy said...

wILL maRry bRItnEY SpeaRS FOr CAT fooD

Trixie said...

Eat me, just eat me.

Agnes said...

Well is your purse clean and your bush tidy?