Tuesday, March 11, 2008

$5,500/hr!!!! What do you get for that?

Trixie in England!

Trixie is in England this week.....eating beans on toast for breakfast!

Who eats BEANS for breakfast? And instant coffee.

I turn on the BBC last night, and there's OUR GOVERNOR, in the news, he's on the front page of the "Financial Times" this morning.

Talk about beans on TOAST!

My only question, what do you get for $5,500/hour?

Big Momma always said,

"Trixie, you can be easy, you just can't be cheap!"

I would think that for $5,500/hour, you get to have sex with both Jenna Jamison AND Tera Patrick.....on a Greek island somewhere with someone feeding you ambrosia.

There's committees and meetings and so much time spent in Hudson about Historical Preservation, but no one is talking about bringing prostitution back to town.

Preserve THAT history!! Just decriminalize it, tax it, provide health care, and take the organized crime and violence parts out.

Hello, at $5,500/hour, why the fuck not?

How much does breeding lab rats pay?

We have businesses closing left and right in Hudson, EMPTY Empire zones, and a moratorium on adult businesses.

"Trixie," they tell me, "we can't bring adult businesses to Hudson. There will be too much riff raff in town."

Folks, you just charge a little more, it keeps the riff raff out.

Trust me. It works.

By the way, there's a party this Friday night, March 14th. You should go. Big Momma is making up some green vegan vodka jello shots. (regular gelatin is made from cow and horse hooves...gross...)

Trixie's Whorehouse
Friday, March 14
Jason's Upstairs Bar

If you want to be on the $5 list, all you have to do is sign up with our email newsletter (see the sign-up link on the top right). Sign up before noon on Friday. We will have the list at the door.

If you're giving $3 blowjobs, like Agnes, then sure, every Tom, Dick, and Dick will come to Hudson. But, at $5,500/head....well, NOW you're talking QUALITY!!

Fine. Don't listen to me.

But, I don't want to hear anyone complaining that there's no good-paying "jobs" in this town.

It seems that some of the best-paying jobs are; hand, blow, rim, and shrimp!

If you don't know what a shrimp job is, then you're TOE-tally missing out!

If you need to take a training class in any of these future career opportunities, email me.

"Trixie's Training School for GURLS"

With the prison closed, we have the space.

Why not?


Kay Thompson said...

Purple is a nice color, a lovely color, yes.


Severine said...

Poor Spitz is gonna need a new job and hudson needs a new tenant for that big complex down by the river. Why wasn't "De-Criminalized Brothel" one of the choices on the poll? A legal Bordello and Hooker Training Facility would help everyone involved and jump start Hudson's economy. Its a historically sensitive reuse, its lucrative, it brings jobs to the county that match the existing skill sets and education level of our populace. Its WIN-WIN!!!! The Ex-Guv would make a great Warden. He understands the law and knows how to break it. Big Momma could teach him her "when you're good to Mama" number. I know he'd sing off-key but none of the girls would let on.....Trixie could serve as Matron of the Transgender Workforce. I'm bringing a petition to the party Friday for all you girls to sign. I know you all have more than one name so it won't be hard to get a lot of signatures quickly!

Trixie said...

If we open up a "legal Bordello and Hooker Training Facility", we may have to bring in an outside consultant.

I've been in this town long enough to know that some of these gurls and boys are sorely out of sexual practice.

I can't teach EVERY class myself!

And then there's the issue of where would the outside consultant stay?

Didn't the Hudson City Charter put aside special housing just for that purpose?

The "Department of PUBIC Works"?

Anonymous said...

Never trust anyone who claims to be stainless! How long before "Spitzer" becomes common parlance for a holier than thou hypocrite? When someone adamantly says one thing and secretly does another we can say "this whole thing tastes like Spitz" or "Tell that creep to stop spraying us with his Spitz" or "You'd better wipe up your Spitz, asshole".

Anonymous said...

For $5500 an hour you should be eating better than beans and toast. I guess you're not staying at The Lanesborough.

I guess you're in some debased sort of character role like Spitzer's spanking Juanita - for $5500 are you dressed like a member of the Royal Family or something on this job?

Trixie said...

Yes. For $5,500/hour you get spanked by the "Queen" of England.

Jolly good.

Severine said...

Trixie mon cher, please do not stress. We can all help with the classes. And do not forget, we have over 300 correctional facilities employees soon to be on the job market. Many of them are highly skilled trainers. And there is always that antiquity you call Agnes. You know what they say: when you can no longer do......Teach!

Big Momma said...

My momma always said Big (back then it was just Big, the Momma came in many year later) your getting to an age where boys are going to want to kiss you. If they try to do it in the back of their car, dump them. If they respected you they would take you to a Hotel.

I have always followed my momma's advise and I have passed that tid bit of information on to my own girls.
Big Momma

Anonymous said...


She should be Trixie's doorgoddess - wearing that outfit!

Anonymous said...

$5,500 an hr. --- Damn! I really AM a cheap whore ... I've been giving it away all these years, or sucking up so much of their T that I leave without thinking to get paid. With $5,500 I could pay off my 'Mister S.' bill.

I'm pea-green with envy that Trixies in England - all that skintight latex and rubber worn under Savile Row suits, luxury playrooms lined in black patent, UNCUT meat everywhere! There's also a legit Dr. there for permanent ball enlargement.

Anonymous said...

Dawn Wells/Mary Ann (69!) arrested for possesion of drug paraphernalia (or was it prostitution ? - either way, you have to do one to pay for the other.)
Who would have thought that Ginger is really the good one.

Rose Marie said...
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Anonymous said...

$5,500/hr!!!! What do you get for that?

Hopefully, a happy ending.

Diego said...

Can't wait for Kristen to come on CNN and start shopping around for a book deal. And by the way shouldn't the media be more outraged at the fact that he wanted to have unprotected sex with a prostitute???!

Anonymous said...

Trixie, it's just breakfast. Open your mouth, and swallow the beans.

Anonymous said...

Big Momma received a call last night inquiring as to why she hasn't commented on the Governor Spitzer's misfortune. Frankly Momma doesn't see anything wrong with a young lady making a living from selling her muffin! Mr. Spitzer has only done 2 things wrong he has embarrassment his wife and children and he took his cash outside his own state,(we have bills to pay as well). This is exactly why we need to bring Diamond Street back, it would save marriages, protect innocent children and save political careers.
The lesion to be learned here is never pay the hoe more than you carry in your wallet!
Spread them proud, spread them wide!
Big Momma

Trixie said...

You know, I think that you're idealizing these UK boys...

Yes, many are cute.

But don't forget the crooked teeth....

The pasty white skin..

That quirky English awkwardness, which is sometimes cute, sometimes not.

The "No sex please, we're British" attitude.

But, they do play soccer (football) here as kids, so their asses are round and high.

And as for spanking...well, those British boys are used to it!! They LOVE it!

British boys are number one in spanking!

Brits are more playful than Germans (who are way too serious about everything).

The Dutch are into every fetish and are usually too fucked up to remember anything.

Plus, the Brits are not like these sqeemish, wimpy, American queens....

"Oh, not too hard. I don't want my boyfriend to see any marks."

As soon as I hear that, I spank 'em harder!


"What?!? You have a boyfriend?! When were you planning on telling me that, you little piece of shit!"


They deserve it.

--Trixie, the Enforcer

Anonymous said...

The woman who did the costuming for "The Notorious Bettie Page" lives across the river in Kingston or Saugerties I think - I'll bet she was across the river here shopping and bought all those outfits Gretchen Mol wore in the movie off of Agnes...

Rogue said...

I've already received a request to accept the position of Dean of Student Affairs. The whips are already packed.

Agnes said...
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Rose Marie said...
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Agnes said...
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Rogue said...

Rose Marie:

Suffer. It's just a matter of time before you'll all be eating poutine and being reasonably polite to one another.

Of course, you'll have to hand over all of your guns, but with Tops like me in your midst, I doubt you'd be misbehaving much anyway.


Anonymous said...

Why DOESN'T someone open a playspace in Hudson? I'm sure there might be a way around the adult business moratorium. Maybe the smirking Canuck can figure it out for us.

Anonymous said...

TRIXIE: Regarding your thoughts on idealizing UK boys; the crooked teeth, pasty white skin, etc. ...

"All cats are grey in the dark."

The Factchecker said...
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The Factchecker said...
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Anonymous said...

Where's Agnes?

Anonymous said...

I think she should use this to get an endorsement deal with Trojans!

Anonymous said...

Jenna Jameson was in the Financial Times??? What, are they running Page 3 Girls there now, too?

Anonymous said...

You mean Kristen/Ashley should get a job endorsing Trojans, not Agnes (I hope!)

Trixie said...

Agnes received a letter asking for her endorsement from the New York State Lottery Commission.

Agnes said...
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Rose Marie said...
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