Sunday, January 4, 2009

Trixie, Rotisserie-Style

Gentle Readers,

Until I have my own column in the "Register-Star" (why not?), I like to sit at the Diamond Street Diner on Sunday and read columns by some of Hudson's other writers, particularly the "Outdoors" column written by Dick Nelson and the "Whittling Away" column written by Dick Brooks. (yes, those are their names...)

I think that the "Register-Star" should give me a column, and then put all three of us on the same page. It would be called:

"Trixie and the Two Dicks"

or, maybe just call the section, "Rotisserie-Style".

(I'll let you figure that one out.)

"Trixie and the Two Dicks" could be a new section of the "Register-Star" or maybe the name of a new trannie porn movie. Or both.

Let's start with one Dick at a time.....

Dick Nelson's column today said that "Organizations such as the Humane Society of the United States, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) [I'm a card-carrying member. -Trix] and the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence.....are in a position to further their agenda."

I say, GOOD!

I have no sympathy for hunters who might lose some of their "rights" to shoot defenseless animals.

Ya know what fellas, ya want your guns and you want to shoot stuff? There's a war going on in Iraq. Go there and shoot all you want. Knock yourself out.

What? You don't want to go? Why? Someone might actually shoot back at you?

Oh. I get it. You only want to shoot a goose sitting in a pond or Bambi in the forest, but, put your own life in danger? Noooooo.... I guess that would take all the "fun" and "sport" out of hunting, huh?

Hunters get no sympathy. Please, they're the ones with the guns!

Then, there's the other Dick, Dick Brooks.

"Our Dick Brooks" would be my new name for his column.

This Dick, I like. Some Dicks you like better than others, right?

I'm sure that if I ever met Dick Brooks (and who knows? I might), we would get along just swell.

Well, we would get along as well as a middle-aged country father and an ex-East Village drag queen could.


Today in the "Register-Star", Dick wrote about winter and cabin fever.

"Folks in the supermarkets are loading up on supplies. I personally picked up a barrel of flour, 10 bushels of potatoes, and 50 pounds of salt pork...."

The only thing I could think of after reading that was, "Good Lord...all those carbs!"

Obviously, Dick Brooks isn't worried about how he's going to look in a speedo at a gay guest house in Lauderdale in February.

Imagine, eat all the carbs you want!

Oh, the carefree lives of heterosexual men!

Gotta love 'em.

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