Sunday, June 21, 2009

River Pride and Me

If you told me five years ago, that I'd be in drag, in the rain, selling Tupperware in Catskill, New York, I would have been shocked.

Then, I'd ask, "What does the outfit look like?"

Sometimes in life, you just have to say, "Fuck it." Just have fun, just do the things you want to do, and don't worry about what other people think or say.....which is not easy in this town!

Ok, true stories....

One lady came up to me, and whined, "Is this really Tupperware?"

I said to her, "Yeah, lady, it's really fucking Tupperware! Can't you see the catalogs? What do you think, I'm making this up!?!"

What the fuck, people? What was she thinking, that somehow, I couldn't possibly be QUALIFIED to sell plastic?

Give me a break!

Listen lady, it's easy. You pay Tupperware a fee, they send you a kit and an instructional sales video (which I obviously never watched), and you're a Tupperware Lady!


(Sorry - the politically correct term is now "Tupperware Consultant." What-eva.)

Anyway, there I was, sitting there, trying to force people to play with my Tupperware and make salsa, when a young transsexual walked up and started talking to me.

He asked, "I was hoping that there'd be more trans people here."

I said, "Well....I don't know where they are. This is Catskill, it's mostly lesbians."

I was thinking, I really couldn't care less how many trans people showed up. If they show up, they show up. I know that we're now the LBGT community, but call me old-fashioned, I still say 'gay and lesbian'.

He then said, "I can't wait to start taking more hormones. Are you on hormones?"

"Am I on hormones? No, I'm not on hormones."

This is how I looked when asked the question, "Are you on hormones?"

Then it dawned on me. Oh, yeah, I'm in drag, and he/she thinks that I'm a transsexual.

I said, "I dress like this to sell plastic. It's a gimmick, get it?"

But I do it with a horn...
Once I was a Schleppa,
now I'm Miss Mazzeppa,
with my revolution in dance.
You gotta have a gimmick,
if you wanna have a chance!

Then he/she told me about getting surgery. He/she asked if I was thinking of surgery.

"Me? I'm not getting any surgery....I like being a boy and my boy parts. It's fine."

"I can't wait to get electrolysis, and get rid of this beard."

I said, "I don't really worry about things like that. Sometimes I go all out and shave my pits, but that's about it. Hey, you wanna to buy some Tupperware?"

"I can't right now."

"Well then, here's a citrus peeler, kid. You can peel your oranges with it and not ruin your nails."

"Thanks," and he/she walked away.

That's it. I have no heart-warming ending for you.


Happy Pride!

- Trix

PS - I have another Tupperware Party at pm on Sunday, June 21st, 5pm. This way, the hilarity of my life can continue....

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