Friday, July 24, 2009

It's not my fault you take forever to come....

All of a sudden, without warning, I find myself, in what sounds like the middle of a porn movie. A guy is waving his dick in front of me saying, rather gruffly,

"You want this dick, don't you? C'mon you want it, don't you?"

And I'm thinking, 'Well, not really'.

You see, I came over an hour ago, and dude, I'm tired, I want to go to sleep. I had a few beers, and you know, it's just not my fault it's taking you forever to come. Can you PLEASE just come already so that I can sleep?

Or, what if I just lay here, and you can get off on me somehow which requires the least amount of effort and stress on my part? That would be great. Thanks.

You see, I got biscotti to bake in the morning, and I got another BINGO night I gotta hang fliers for, and then there's this Tupperware party tomorrow at Clear massage, AND I have that toenail fungus prescription at CVS that's ready for pickup and a new set of fliers at Staples, and OMG, I volunteered to help out at the Henry Hudson thing this weekend.....shit, how did I get roped into THAT? And then there's the Whorehouse party on the 8th, and I still haven't picked up the decorations, and I need another gogo dancer. Fuck...I got a lot going on....can you PLEASE just come already so that I can get some sleep!

I know I'm gay and all, but I really don't want your dick right's 4am.....and we've been at this for a while.

Thing is, it's not my fault you're a middle-aged gay man that can only come if the stars are aligned and your favorite porn is in the TV, and this, and that has to be just a certain way, and blah, blah, fucking blah....

Listen guy, your time has expired - either put more quarters in the meter or move your vehicle.

I just blew your boyfriend and he came quick enough. Guess what, dude? It's not me! I know what I'm doing.

Actually, your boyfriend's asleep right now. He's the smart one - he knows you! That's why he invited me over. Now, here I am doing all the work so that HE can get a night off!



Now, get off me.

Thank you.


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