Monday, August 3, 2009
OK, I'm still processing the events from this past weekend, and maybe I'll have an interesting story for you. Maybe.
Here's the best line I heard. It was a gay couple, they came in late one evening, and they were getting their camper ready for the weekend.
One guy yells to his boyfriend inside the camper,
"I ripped this tarp because YOU weren't out here to help me!!"
A couple's counselor hears a line like that and immediately their eyeballs turn into dollar signs. That's three sessions right there.
I thought to myself, 'Gee, I kinda miss being in a relationship, because then you have someone to blame.'
Things like, 'My life is a mess, it's your fault.'
Being single you have to bear the responsibility of all your life's decisions and choices. That's no fun! When things go wrong, who can I blame? The dog?
The dog already gets blamed for every fart that happens when there's company, and at this point, she looks up to me and says,
"No, that one was NOT me. Thank you."
(You can tell when I have nothing to write when I start with the fart jokes. Fart jokes are a fail safe, they always work...)
In my email box today, Domino's Pizza announced it's new Pasta Breadbowls! Carbs inside carbs!
Sometimes, after sex, I have an urge to run out and grab some pizza. Sometimes, the pizza is better than the sex.
It depends on the pizza.
If Domino's is better than the sex, then it was some pretty bad sex.
When would you eat a Pasta Breadbowl? It would have to be awful sex.
"Pasta Breadbowl Sex" is sex when one person is crying immediately after.
Is it just pasta inside a breadbowl, or, is it a country looking for fulfillment? Has Obama let us down? Did we want him to solve our problems? Can we blame him when he doesn't? Does Domino's have its cheesy breadstick finger on the pulse of a nation?
(Here's an article on Forbes.com - the Most Abandoned Cities in the Country. Out of the top 15, BOTH Poughkeepsie and Albany make the list. Ugh.)
The DOW is up over 9,000 today. Wait until the fall, it'll be at 10,000, when all the derivative traders come back from their summer vacations in East Hampton. It'll be fine.
Right now, it's still down, but now is the time to BUY! Buy low.
As I get older, I think more and more BEAR-ish.