Monday, September 21, 2009

No, I'm not your slave...

I have a friend who's totally into the whole BDSM or Master/Slave relationship role-playing thing.

He told me there are less issues of codependency in Master/Slave relationships than other, more standard relationships. With a Master/Slave relationship, it's all upfront, and discussed. If one person is going to use and take advantage of their significant other, than it's all part of role-playing, as opposed to being what's considered "normal".

If you're going to treat your partner like a slave, then you should at least do it in a tight leather outfit!

After talking to him, I realized that there was no way I could ever be in a Master/Slave relationship.

First of all, I'm no one's fucking slave.

Make your own damn pancakes!

Generally, I tend to be the more responsible one in a relationship which would make it very difficult for me, to be someone's slave....

- "Master, I'm going to renew the CD today. Interest rates are low, so I'm thinking about a triple tax-free municipal bond. What do you think, Master?"
- "Um, I guess that sounds OK to me slave."

"Polish your boots? I don't have time to polish your boots. I still have scuff marks in my go-go boots from the last two parties, and yes, I tried nail polish remover."

"Respect? I don't give you enough respect, is that what you're complaining about? Oh really? Well, maybe I'd give you more respect, if you weren't such a fucking loser."

So, yeah, the slave thing I'm just not cut out for....and that's fine....

Polish your own boots!

But then, being a Master seems like too much work.

If I was a Master, I would want to email my Slave an Excel spreadsheet of all the tasks he had for the day, and then he could just email me back with the "Done" column completed. That's probably not what they want, though...

I just don't have time to ASK him to do it, or explain it to him.

Plus, I'd have to tell him what to do, inspect it, make sure he did it correctly, and then, punish him if he did it wrong, or have sex with him if he did it right.

It's just too much work and time. It's management.

Ask any "gal", biological or otherwise. If a guy wants to have sex that night, then get something done WITHOUT being asked! That's the secret, guys!

For instance....

If you want to have sex, then go to the store, do the grocery shopping, clean the house and cook dinner....WITHOUT HER TELLING YOU TO DO IT!

You'll get laid that night.

If you sit around all day, watching TV, the place is a mess, there's an empty pizza box in the kitchen from last night, and THEN you want to have sex? Forget it!

Lazy guys don't deserve blow jobs.

'Responsibility' can be totally fucking sexy. There's nothing hotter than a take-charge guy who gets things done! opposed to a guy who sits around all day watching Judge Judy reruns....not so sexy....

Really? A tattoo? Please.

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