Wednesday, October 28, 2009
"Rape and Pillage of Catskill" Night?
In my mind, I'm sure there was a time in Hudson's history when the sailors and whalers were sitting around on a Saturday night, saying...
"We're so tired of all these old whores on Diamond Street. I know, let's go to Catskill!!"
They were too lazy to go to Albany, (plus you never really know which night to go out in Albany - this was before Bear nights).
Catskill's easy, and close.
The whalers and sailors would leave Hudson's docks and float right into Catskill Creek, rape and pillage the town, and when they were done, float right back. This way, they wouldn't have to worry about a police DWI roadblock on the Rip Van Winkle Bridge.
They already had enough points on their license, and God forbid if you're without a car upstate.
I think it was last year sometime, who remembers, when I got bored of all the "whores on Diamond Street" myself, called up a few friends, and said, "Hey, let's go rape and pillage Catskill tonight."
And they were like, "Sure, why not?"
We were hardly an angry mob, but we went.
It was fun.
The next time, though, I made a mistake and I PLANNED the "Rape and Pillage of Catskill" night, and let the Catskillians know we were coming ahead of time.
Anyway, we get to Catskill and half the town is naked, on all fours, all lubed up and waiting - their bedroom doors unlocked.
And we were like...."um, this really isn't that much fun now."
We felt obligated to fuck half of Catskill, since we told them we were coming, and if we didn't, they'd send us nasty text messages or un-friend us on facebook.
I see it on Craigslist every now and then, some guy posts a picture of his ass in the air with the caption, "Rape My Ass".
I want to send him an email stating,
"Excuse me, but by definition, if you're ASKING, or in this case, TELLING me to rape you, then it really isn't 'rape'. 'Fuck My Ass', or even 'Cornhole My Butthole' would be more appropriate. "
Yes, it's semantics, but still! There's no need for improper word usage. It's just wrong. C'mon! For instance, you know that if they're using very poor punctuation or grammar in their craigslist ad, then you're dealing with some cracked-up whore. Am I right?
Anyway, where was I?
Yes, the raping was fun the first time in Catskill, but not so much the second. The same goes for the pillaging. The first time, it was fun, I got some really good stuff for the bedroom. The second time we pillaged, I thought, "I really don't see anything here I need..."
I'm sure there's some really good stuff in Catskill, (I don't need the Greene County Chamber of Commerce emailing me, complaining that I told my blog readers not to pillage their town...) but that second night of raping and pillaging Catskill, my friends and I looked around, and thought, 'you know, we already have so much stuff that we need to get rid of in the basement, let's just go get a drink instead.'
Why pillage what you don't really need? Plus, all of us had to make room in our houses for the next Stair Gallery auction.
So much for the "Raping and Pillaging of Catskill" nights.
Some of my events work, some don't.
By the way, I heard that Mr. Tom Judson of "Canned Ham" fame will be performing in Catskill the night of Saturday, November 14th at Mod Cafe, 8pm. (I'll write more about that another time.)
Maybe we should all go across the river, watch the show, have a drink, and instead of raping Catskill, we'll just go out and buy a good prison porn DVD.
How about we just download it, instead?
Why have another DVD around the house? I have enough of those....