Monday, April 30, 2007

Get your ASS tested....

This ass can be found at the Mr. Black parties in Manhattan. Another reason why we love New York.

OK guys,

There's rapid HIV testing in town May 14th - if you have any doubts, go...


The next time we'll be in Hudson is on May 14 from 2pm - 5:30pm at 160 Fairview Ave in the Peebles shopping plaza above the Chinese restaurant.


Yeah, I've heard it all before,

"My boyfriend and I don't practice safer sex. We both tested negative years ago and we've been monogamous ever since...."

Babydoll, if you're gay, and you're in a "monogamous" relationship, all that means is that YOU'RE the one who's NOT fooling around...

Be safe.

Get tested.

It's better if you know.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

More Wal Mart.....?? What's going on?


I know, you're probably sick and tired of me railing against WalMart....

But I just learned that the largest WalMart in the COUNTRY is in Catskill? Just a few minutes from here.

Is that true? Where's that fact checker?

Why??

But, there's already a Wal Mart in Greenport.....there's another one nearby? A really big one?

Like, who shops there? I've been to the one in Greenport. It's really scary. It's gross. Hudson is a beautiful town with historic architecture, and people spend FORTUNES doing interior design work.

And then they shop at WalMart? Are you serious?

OK, maybe you need a broom or a mop. Fine. I understand. You go to WalMart.

But clothes? Furniture? FOOD? You buy FOOD there?

Aren't there other places to shop?

When they're set up, I buy my apples from the nicest boys on Warren Street - the kids in front of April's something store. The boys who work there are always SO polite. I buy from them just because they say, "Thank you, Sir."

....as opposed to "Ma'am"...which people have said to me in the past.

And the apples are from nearby farms. Sometimes there are doughnuts that are made here in town as well.

Yes, I understand that you might save money at WalMart...but chances are, you already have enough stuff and you'd save MORE money by just NOT BUYING the crap to begin with.

I understand that people have these big houses with all this room and they need to fill it. (That's another blog post. Why do you need all that space? Is it really necessary?)

In Manhattan, we live in small spaces. You learn not to buy much, because there's no place to put it. Everything you buy MUST serve a purpose. I know people who use the inside of their ovens as file cabinets.

Yes, I'm here in Hudson for the trees, the fresh air, the slower pace, and my dog is happy in the backyard.

But I don't think that more space, or more stuff, makes people happier.

Do people just buy more stuff, eat more food, fill their lives with clutter just to forget? Or not think?

Because if they ever STOPPED, and thought about what they are doing, where are their lives going, asked themselves are they really HAPPY, would the answers scare them too much? So, they just keep going....warp speed.

Am I happy? It's a simple question.

If not, then what would make me happy? How do I get there? And what do I do to get there?

Anyway, next time, someone has to explain Home Depot to me....I've been here for almost a year, and I've yet to go there. But, everyone goes there A LOT.

Maybe THAT'S a lesbian thing that I will just NEVER understand....

Friday, April 27, 2007

What's the Deal with a Gay Tea Dance this Sunday?



Ok, what's going on this Sunday? Is there a gay Tea Dance at Stray?


Is there a contest? What should it be?


Should I bring some fabulous prizes?



I'm waiting...

I hate people

Isabel Sanford
Dear Big Momma,

I hate people.

The preacher says that's wrong, but it feels right to me. I just hate... people. What do you think?

Sign me,

Robinson Alley
*************************************************************************

Dear Robinson Alley,

What the fuck is the problem? You live in the foothills of the catskills -- move your ass up the mountain where you don't have to deal with mother fuckas you ain't interested in.

Big Momma

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Agnes Recalls the Plant Swap

Saturday May 5th
Spring Master Gardener: Plant Swap
Cornell Cooperative Extension, 479 Route 66, Greenport; 9am-1pm; 518-828-3346
www.cce.cornell.edu/columbia


Memories from Agnes

Yeah I used to work the Plant Swap... till the coppers got wind of the action and shut it down... that was only a few years after they shut down Diamond Street... it was a tough time for us girls... what with all the factories shutting down and the men on the dole... sometimes we had to give it away just to keep their spirits up.

One year, we even got a seed swap going after nightfall... wow that was wild...

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Agnes' Pimp Gets Busy

Agnes' pimp, Marty

Agnes is a working gal. But the gas bills are going up and she needs to lean on her old man every now and then. Agnes' pimp, Marty, sets her up.

"Hey, Aggie," he yells, "I got this fag on Allen street who wants you to fuck him with a strap on. He says he's straight, but he's a fag....can you fuck him?"

"Marty - how many times have I told you - no anal before Memorial Day!"

"Agnes, no one even KNOWS that anymore! That's an old whore's tale."


"Yeah, well, I'm an old whore! No anal before Memorial Day! Marty, go fuck him yourself, you filthy mother-fucking SCUMBAG!!"

"Fine. Maybe I will, you dried up TWAT!"

"Lousy piece of SHIT!"

Agnes and Marty have been in love for over fifty years. It's the longest love affair in Hudson.

Marty shaved his chest and balls, and got ready.


The john on Allen street didn't really care who showed up. It was either Marty or Craigslist. He settled for a quick finger fuck and a blow job from Marty while his Tchotchke Slut wife shopped for more shit that they didn't need on Warren Street.

Marty took the $25 and rushed back to Agnes.

"See, you little slut, I can make money without your crusty pussy!"

"Shove it up your ass. Did you swallow his cum, Marty?"

"Eat my ass, whore!"

With that, Marty and Agnes dove straight for each other and made passionate love for the rest of the evening.




This is the 100th blog post of GayHudson.com!!!
YAY!!


Gay Tea Dance? Well.....yes....


The fact checker kinda fucked up again. There "was" a gay tea dance at Stray on Sunday evening. Maybe it wasn't Fire Island Pines on Memorial Day weekend, but it was a dozen or so cute queers (and straight friends) looking for a good time.

Which made Stray the gayest place in Hudson on Sunday - surpassing Le Gamin and the Quaker Meeting House.

Will Gay Tea Dance at Stray continue on Sundays? I don't know. Maybe.

The party is whereever you make it, folks. Put together some gay boys, good music, alcohol, and a wig. Boom. You're done.

Anyway, the fact checker STILL wanted to be punished, so, we bound him up, and took turns fucking him. Big Momma took some of her cooking grease, that she saves in a coffee pot under the sink, put some on a huge dildo and stuck it up his ass.

She used the second-grade grease - not the good bacon/lard grease. This was the breakfast sausage patty grease.


Maybe the evening wasn't perfect, but I had a good time. I saw my friends, made a couple of new ones....danced like a stupid idiot....




Could it have been better? I guess....but don't ask me...


What do I know? I'm happy just sitting in silence with a bunch of pacifists...


Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Gay Hudson presents "Ask Big Momma"

GayHudson.com is pleased to announce a new column, "Ask Big Momma", by it's writer and spiritual advisor, Claire. Around the Bliss, Claire is known as Big Momma.

Isabel Sanford
Dear Big Momma -

I live out in Greenport where thing are a little different than the rest of the world. The night before my sister's wedding we had a bachelor party for the groom with all the usual stuff; lots of booze, a loose stripper, and porn. The party was at my trailer where my future brother in law passed out. All the guests finally left about 2am; I stripped down to my birthday suit and jumped into bed.

All of a sudden, I woke up and found my future brother in law sucking my cock!! At first, I jumped up and started yelling "What the fuck you homo get the fuck off of me!!"

He begged me to let him finish, saying he had always found me hot and just wanted to do a guy and swallow some cum before he got married. I have to admit he was giving a mean blow job, still freaked out but with a full hard on I let him finish. He sucked me off. I just closed my eyes and imagined the stripper on the end of my pecker.

He stopped for a moment and I felt something new on my cock, I opened my eyes to find him sitting on my cock. Now half of the 8" shaft up his ass, he begged me to do it. I just laid there not knowing what to do so I figured well it was TIGHT and does feel good. mmm-mmmm.

I grabbed his hips and pulled him down on top of my big hard dick. Not sure if he liked the pain. He slowly started to move around. His movements became more and more snake-like until he was jumping on me like a fucking trampoline. He started to moan loud, and pulling on his rock hard cock when he blew all over my face, in my mouth and up my nose. I was not going to be left out I started bucking and fucking his ass to I get off.

Just before I came, he jumped off my dick. I shot all over my white hairy belly and on the trailer floor. I watched him lick up my spooge.

When we finished we lay there naked side by side, not knowing what to do next I rolled over and kissed him hard on the lips and thanked him.

My question is Big Momma, I love my sister but I think I am in love with her husband now. He avoids me at all costs. But I just want him in my bed again. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Keeping it in the family


Dear Keeping it in the family;

You did say you are from Greenport, right. I don't see the problem, isn't this common practice in your neck of the woods? Here in Hudson if you where my brother I would cut your dick off and stick it up your ass for fuckin with Big Momma's man. Consider this a warning, keep
you hands off my husband, George...

Love,
Big Momma


Send BIG MOMMA your emails, questions, gossip, cooking tips, etc, to:
BigMomma@GayHudson.com

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Hudson Society for the Preservation of FOSTERS



I should never go out with Agnes.

This morning, she called me up at 7AM. On a Sunday morning!

"C'mon she said, do you want to come with me to the Diamond Street diner for breakfast?"

I said, "Agnes, it's 7am!!"

She said, "Well, I figured, you're either up or you're not. C'mon, you wanna come for breakfast?"

I was up, so I said, "Sure - give me ten minutes to put some clothes on."

And we were off.

We first stopped by to see the daffodils on Robinson Street.


She stopped at the old Foster Refrigerator Factory at the far north end of Front Street. Agnes used to jerk off the manager.

"He had a big mushroom head dick...refrigerators and mushrooms, I put the two together now."

It seems that the Hudson Society for the Preservation of Fosters is looking to preserve the facade of the old Foster Refrigerator factory - as it stands now. Fair enough, I thought.


We went inside.

This had once been the home of the Hudson Rock and Roll club.



And Wilbur sucked cock here. Well, with a name like Wilbur, you might as well be a PIG bottom.


The latest papers and calendar dated to 1996, but some were from much earlier.


It looks as if one day someone said, "Hey, from now on, we're building these refrigerators in China for a fraction of the price. You're all laid off."

There were calculators and ledger books, a typewriter, all beaten by the weather.



No computers, or even a trace of a computer. No power strips.

Foster's office could have been ANY office in America.




Someone spent hours keeping those accounting books up to date, or making sales calls, to keep the company running. Now, everything was in a wet pile. All that work, meaningless.

I thought, that at some point, someone might have missed their daughter's softball game to keep those books in order. Or someone came home too tired from a sales meeting play a game of checkers with their son. Or, they were so stressed out from a day at the office that they didn't have sex with their loved one.

It’s really hard to imagine that anyone ever sacrificed any part of their life for this office.

"Let's go," said Agnes, "I got things to do today! No one ever lays on their death bed saying, 'I wish I spent more time at the office.' It's a beautiful spring day! I have to enjoy the weather....and I have a $20 blow job I'm giving at 10, right after he gets out of church."

You're right, Agnes. Thank God for old whores who have a lot of energy at 7am. It's how she says alive, I guess.

Preserve Fosters.

Long live Agnes!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Gay Tea Dance at Stray Bar on Sunday

This is NOT the Tea Dance

Gay Tea Dance at Stray Bar on Sunday at 4PM!!

Wear your most FABULOUS outfit!

You NEVER know WHAT you're going to see!


Everyone wil be there.

It's going to be amazing!


You know you want to go...

I'll be there...this is what I look like....look for me.

This Sunday, Gay Tea Dance, Stray Bar.
Hudson, New York, 4 pm - 10pm
12534



Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Mitzi Sets the Record Straight

The following letter was received from Mitzi, the cat and real estate broker. Mitzi resides at the "Five and Diamond", the fabulous vintage clothing store in Hudson. Tippy can be found at the "Muddy Cup" on upper Warren Street.

Mitzi

Dear GayHudson.com,

I would like to dispel the rumor in town. I'm NOT Tippy's "bitch". A female cat is a "Queen", a female DOG is a "bitch". Don't believe me? Google it, human, and get back to me.

Plus, Tippy and I haven't been together in years.

That photo, in the post "Meet the Staff of GayHudson.com" was NOT Tippy. I know Tippy, and that wasn't him. This is the REAL Tippy:

Tippy's a two-timing Tom cat. This is MY story, it's Mitzi's turn now!

It all started about two or three lives ago. I was an undergrad at Columbia, majoring in economics. (Looking back, I should have bought more real estate in Manhattan then. If I knew then what I know now.....hindsight.)

Anyway, we're at this bar and my friend Elanor was in heat. She really needed to get laid.

Elanor

Elanor's a big gal. She's moved to Texas where the Toms like their Queens big. She's dating some oil rig worker now.

Anyway, Taylor, (THAT is the cat in the "Meet the Staff" blog post), and Tippy start talking to us. Taylor's talking me up and Tippy is Taylor's wingman, so he's talking to Elanor.

Well, Taylor goes out to the litter box and I start talking to Tippy. We totally connect. Tippy's into accounting, and at the time, accounting was my minor. It was great. I heard the "click".

Elanor ends up hooking up with Taylor, and I go back home with Tippy. Tippy and I do catnip all night long, the sex was great. Looking back, that was my biggest mistake.

Elanor and I just should have left those two losers at the bar. I should have told Elanor to use the vibrating pencil eraser, like she always does. Those two Toms are such bad news.

Two lives and a litter later, I'm nursing Tippy's kittens while he's out fucking every Queen in Columbia County [Editor's Note: Sounds like most of GayHudson.com's readers....].

I'm out there working TWO jobs, and Tippy is just sitting at home watching TV, playing with his fucking scratch post all day.


I finally just turned my tail up to that asshole and that was the best day of THAT life.

Ok, yes, there's a part of me that misses Tippy. I guess you can never really let it all go. I wish it had been different. But, it's not. It's never going to be the way I want it. He's never going to change. Not in this life or the next two or three.

It's not easy being a single Queen in Hudson. [Editor: Yes, Mitzi, I know] So many of the Toms you meet are such jerks, spraying everywhere. Always cruising the next alley.

Luckily, I have my career in real estate to keep me busy. I got my broker license a couple of years ago. I tell people, buy in Newark. Trust me, Newark is the next Jersey City. Sure, no one wants to live in Newark now, but do you remember Jersey City ten years ago? Now, you can't even afford it. It's ridiculous.

And, if Tippy's reading this.....Tippy, in some way, I still love you. I'm sorry it never worked out. Maybe one of these days we can get together, over a saucer of milk, maybe go see the kittens. You know, our kittens have kittens now......and those kittens have kittens....

It was fun, Tippy. Thanks for the good times.

Purrs,
Mitzi

Editor's Note:
Mitzi's diary, "Catty Thoughts" is currently being optioned at Knopf.


Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Kayaking Trannie Whores are Attacking the Tchotchke Sluts!

Miss Priss asks everyone to shoot the Kayaking Trannie Whores if you see them.


The following story was contributed by Miss Priss, a forty-something single gay man and business owner in Hudson. He is the president of Hudson BOOB, the Bottom Owned and Operated Businesses.

Miss Priss


Dearest Hudson,
I implore you to seize this opportunity and distinguish the horrid behavior of the Kayaking Trannie Whores! They kayaked from the West Village and are now causing havoc in our poor town!

The Kayaking Trannies are now attacking the Tchotchke Sluts. The Tchotchke Sluts are the women from the city and the suburbs who drag their poor, defenseless (and sometimes do-able) husbands into every antique and Tchotchke store on Warren Street.




Alas, now the Kayaking Trannie Whores are NOT satisfied with just blowing the poor, sex-starved husbands. No, they are now ATTACKING the Tchotchke Sluts, right in the middle of Warren Street!!

We need the Sluts! They are the basis of this town! The Tchotchke Sluts bring MONEY into Hudson! We then take that money and spend it in the strip malls of Greenport! Another Mall was JUST approved last week.

Please, fellow Hudsonites, help us bring MORE Tchotchke Sluts to Hudson and let's end the rule of the Kayaking Trannie Whores.

Thank you, fair Key City.

Miss Priss
Big BOOB
Bottom Owned and Operated Businesses



Tchotchke Slut puking




Monday, April 16, 2007

The Green Fairies


You know it's going to be a wild weekend, when you're invited to an absinthe party. The green alcoholic drink, known as the "Green Fairy" was illegal for years because people thought it was a hallucinogen. It's not.

Before you drink it, you have to pour it over a sugar cube with a special absinthe spoon. It's tasty.

And very gay.

I was invited to a little cocktail party of the gay 'demi-monde' of Hudson.

Dictionary.com provides the following definition of 'demi-monde':

"The link between good and bad society ... the world of compromised women...."

These "compromised women" had fun this weekend. You know it's a wild evening, when at 3am, I'M the voice of reason among my friends. And I'm the one who just wrote a blog post telling people that Isabel Sanford lives in the Bliss Tower, and there's a cat accountant at the Muddy Cup.

There is something to this gay 'demi-monde' concept. There's a new group of gay men in Hudson - and we need to get laid! Do not underestimate the powers of horny gay men. Something is building, the critical mass is coming.

Speaking of which, this past Saturday night, most of Hudson was at the Hudson Opera House $75/person dinner event. Everyone was dressed up and walking around town.

It's charity, I know....but if I'm paying $75 for an evening...I want more than just dinner....ya know what I mean? ;)

If I host a dinner next year, you'll want to be on THAT dinner party. This is what it will look like:

I'm warning you now, I may not serve any food. It's a $75/person dinner party, but eat something before you come.

There may only be tossed salad. (oh, you knew that joke was coming....) And some nuts. (haha).

Anyway, what was I talking about? I forget. Here, look at this while I remember, and try to figure out which BLANK he was filling.

  • In the world's strangest Indian tribe, instead of passing a peace pipe, they pass a BLANK pipe.
  • Unlucky Louie said, "I just won the world's worst contest. First prize is a week in BLANK.
  • You know when you're at a really wild party when you see BLANK in every room.
I bumped into this one guy this weekend, shook his hand, and said,

"Oh, 'Hi', good to see you again, Gladys" (not his real name).

He condescendingly said back to me, "Well, that's good....you SHOULD remember me..."

I just smiled and turned away, but I was thinking....what the fuck?

I met him once at a party, that was it.

"You SHOULD remember me...." Please, I can barely remember half the guys I've had sex with, and I SHOULD remember you?

When you're in a bar, and you want to impress someone, or be nice, just say "Hi, how are you?", or, "Nice to see you," or even, "How was your day?"

It's easy, folks....really....

I saw the Bindlestifs perform. I introduced myself to the guy who was doing the sword swallowing -- twenty-four inches! I want his number.


Have you ever been on a date with a guy and you can't wait to take him home and shove your dick in his mouth? Not because you want a blow job, but because you want him to shut the fuck up?

Like Gladys.....I know how you can put your tongue to better use.

THEN, I'd remember you....well, if you're good.

Or, if you can swallow a twenty-four inch sword....

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Meet the Staff of GayHudson.com!

A typical staff meeting at the GayHudson.com corporate office.



Agnes

Some of you have already met Agnes. She's an old whore from the brothel days of Hudson. She lives somewhere on "Diamond Street". She refuses to call it Columbia. If you ask her how to get to Columbia Street, she'll say "Columbia Street, where's that?"


Miss Priss

This is Miss Priss, a single, 40-something gay man who lives South of Warren Street. He is constantly looking for a boyfriend. He runs an antique shop in town. Every week, he writes a cooking column for GayHudson.com -- which we have yet to publish. He is a member of BOOB, the Hudson Bottom Owned and Operated Businesses. Last year, he was elected president, which makes him the biggest BOOB in town.



Tawana

This is Tawana. She is our IT department. She lives in a FABULOUS restored Victorian house South of Warren, right next door to Miss Priss. Tawana moved to Hudson to get away from it all. She's an argent animal-rights activist and has been known to spray paint anyone in Hudson wearing fur. She does it for two reasons; one for the animals, and two because she thinks, fur "makes people look fat." Watch your back, Hudson.


Isabel Sanford

Tawana's Mother, Claire

Claire was born and raised on Turkey Hill Road in Westport, Connecticut. She lived there, until, she says, the "bad element" moved in. She sold her house and moved to the Bliss Tower in Hudson, where she's been happy ever since with her "peeps" and "homies" in "da crib". She lives in one of the top floor-through penthouse apartments and has the most spectacular view of all of Hudson. Claire runs the most successful interior design consulting company in town,"Moving on Up Designs". Scores of designers come to Hudson to find the most fabulous in furnishings. Those "in the know" go straight to Bliss to for Claire's advice. Not only is Claire a design guru, but she is also the spiritual center of Hudson. She can answer ANY question...marriage, furnishings, love. Claire is kept on retainer by GayHudson.com for whenever we need her.


Curtis

Curtis, our intern, is a poor boy from Greenport. He works full time at the Wall Mart, but after taxes and "benefits" are taken out of his paycheck, he owes Wall Mart money each month. Since he works for us for free, it's a better paying gig. He has a crush on Agnes (who doesn't?). Agnes will only sleep with him if he pays her. She says, "He ain't gonna buy the cow if he gets the milk for free!". Curis makes gay porn to pay the bills, but he insists, "I ain't no fucking queer!" ......whatever helps you sleep at night, Mary...


Tippy

This is Tippy, our accountant. Tippy is a CPA and is currently studying to take his Series 7 exams to become a bond trader. Years ago, he helped uncover a money laundering scandal at Enron. He entered the witness protection program and is now a cat. He hangs out primarily at the Muddy Cup in Hudson. You will often find Tippy doing people's taxes. He makes enough money in April to pay his mortgage throughout the year.


"Red"

This is "Red", she writes the sports section. "I was at the Hudson High School girl's softball game and it reminded me of the time I was in Paris with Balenciaga watching Josephine Baker. She had legs up to HERE!" or, "I was watching the Hudson Boys track team and I had not seen anyone move that fast since Liza did a line of coke in the women's room at Studio 54. I turned to my good friend, Candy Darling, and said, 'Candy, please make sure Liza makes it home OK. She's performing tomorrow.' "



The "Factchecker"

This is our Factchecker, and why we cannot guarantee the accuracy of any story. Every time the counter goes up another 1,000 people, we play "Fuck the Factchecker". It was his idea, not ours. He actually wanted to play after every 100 counts, but enough is enough already.


Agnes' Mother, Rose

Agnes' Mother, Rose, was in charge of GayHudson.com distribution. This is why we moved to a web-based format.



That's our staff! I only takes one person about an hour daily to update GayHudson.com. Most of our staff's time is spent watching porn on their computers.

Just like most companies...