Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Greenport Fairy Tale


"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy," said six-year-old Bobby, "read me a 'Fairy Tale' before I go to sleep! PLEASE!"

"Oh, OK....", said Bobby's mother. Bobby and his poor, single mother live on Warren Street, on what is now known as Greenport, New York.

"Read me the story about the Hudson Fairy!" squealed Bobby.

"Again?" asked his mother.

"PLEASE!"

"Oh, OK, here we go....

There was was a cute little picturesque town called Hudson. People from all the neighboring villages and the BIG cities of Manhattan and Brooklyn would come to Hudson and eat really expensive burritos."

"Wow...how much is expensive, Mommy?" asked Bobby.

"It was $17 for a burrito in Hudson."

"Oh, Mommy, stop, this is the scary part!"

"Ok....so, one day, there was a fight and people in Hudson were yelling and screaming at each other."

"Like you and Daddy before Daddy left you for that red-headed whore?"

"Exactly, Bobby....that slutty whore, Danielle, who was my best friend. Just like that. Anyway, some of the people in Hudson LOVED to fight with each other."

"Why were the people of Hudson like that, Mommy?"

"Well, Bobby, some say it had something to do with the drinking water, which failed government tests and standards year after year, but the people of Hudson still had to pay for it!"

"That seems ridiculous!" said six-year-old, Bobby.

"It sure was!" said his mother. "Anyway, someone dropped a glass bottle of Absinthe and the Green Fairy of Hudson appeared!"

"WOW..." said Bobby, "was the Green Fairy pretty?"

"He wasn't bad-looking....there was definitely worse out there. The Fairy said, 'Happy Happy Up Up, little town of Hudson! There is no need for this squabbling and fighting! Why do you hold onto so much anger? Why do you generate so much needless drama and negative energy? You must forgive each other and get along peacefully in this little town. Hudson, get over yourselves, and just be happy! Dammit."

"THEN what happened?" asked Bobby.

"The people of Hudson said, 'Shut the fuck up, you fucking Fairy! What the fuck do you know, you, and your Pollyanna crap!'"

"Then what did the Fairy say?", asked Bobby.

"The Fairy said, 'Ya know what, FUCK YOU, you miserable pieces of shit!! You don't deserve anything. I don't need this. Ya know what, be fucking miserable, for all I care - see how far it gets you!! Bunch of assholes.'"

"Because, you see, Bobby, the Fairy was very idealistic, and thought that he could change other people."

"The Fairy was a Control Queen, right Mommy?"

"That's right, Bobbby...."

"The Fairy realized that some people are unhappy and that's the way they want it."

"And people are com....com....what's the word, Mommy?"

"COMPLACENT. Some people really don't want to change, Bobby. Change requires effort, and sometimes self-reflection, and some people just don't want to do it. Some people are happy being UNhappy. They continue what they're doing, not because it's good or right for them, but because it's what they're used to."

"OH...I see....THEN, what happened?"

"The Fairy was pissed-off and put an EVIL curse on the town of Hudson!"

"Wow," said Bobby, "that Fairy sure had a short fuse!"

"Well, Bobby, the Fairy had not gotten laid in Hudson in such a VERY long time, no one could remember. So, yes, it was a BITTER, EVIL, Fairy."

"Can Fairies do evil curses, Mommy?"

"Fairies can do whatever the fuck they want, Bobby. The Fairy put a curse on all the townsfolk of Hudson. Aliens came down from outer space, brutally slaughtered all the people of Hudson and ate them, just like we eat cows and pigs!"

"YAY!" squealed Bobby with delight, "brutally slaughtered Hudson people!! That's funny, Mommy!"

"Then the neighboring town of Greenport swallowed Hudson, and that's where we live now! So, what's the moral of the story, Bobby?"

"Suck Fairy Dick!"

"That's right, little Bobby, Suck Fairy Dick. Keep the Fairies happy, and LISTEN to them. Maybe one day, YOU'LL be able to suck Fairy dick as well, Bobby."

"I hope so, Mommy!"

"Sweet Walmart dreams, my little angel...."

Monday, July 30, 2007

Deconstructing someone's personal ad...



This is how I view myself. It could be one (of potentially MANY) reasons WHY I'm single.

OK, I've given up on Hudson being the place where I'll meet a potential boyfried, and I've turned to Match.com. This past weekend celebrates ONE YEAR of home ownership in Hudson. Yay! More tax deductions, less sex. I now know I'm middle-aged...thank you very much.


Anyway, Match.com is looking no better....sigh... Here's an ad I saw today. I decided to "deconstruct" it. Really, where do you start?



HIS AD IS BOLD. My comments are normal font

WOW! Never thought I'd be back at the quest of searching for my MISSING PIECE. I'm 37 years old, Loyal, Honest, Kind, Guy. Spent last few years in magnificent relationship, then much to my surprise, he came home from work one day, handed me the ring, his keys, & split that same night!


OK, this already puts up red flags, within the third sentence. Why are you telling your new potential boyfriends that the last guy just up and left you? Is this going to be the topic of conversation on the first date? I hope not.


I've never understood, nor have I ever experienced falling out of love w/ someone. I really believe that those folks who rely on that excuse have a special room reserved for them in Hell ~ filled w/ other Gay Men as Selfish as them!



OK, WAY too much negative energy here....and we're on sentence four....someone has ANGER ISSUES! Obviously, still not over the ex leaving.

If you're a Man who consistently Self-Sabotages Everything Good in their Lives, has any Fears of Commitment, Mother Issues, Left-Over Abandonment Phobias from some Un-Worked Childhood Issues, Incapable of Keeping their Private Parts from Others, or Just Plain Nuts... STOP READING THIS AD RIGHT NOW ~ COLLECT YOUR $200 DOLLARS ~ MOVE PASS GO ~ & ADVANCE to either WATER WORKS, ST. JAMES AVE, or the NEXT AD!

OK, you THINK you're funny, but once again, too much negative energy. Babydoll, it's a personal ad, you're supposed to be SELLING YOURSELF, not putting other people down. We all have issues. Life is a process, we're all going through it. I, for one, am looking for someone to join me in the journey. I don't expect perfection.


Back to the main topic... I am NOT looking to DATE, CHAT, make NEW PALS, or have CASUAL SEX! I am looking for the single most amazing Man in the whole entire World, who also happens to be the "ONE" for Me!

OK, you have to set your expectations a little lower....this is MATCH.com, not MAGIC.com.

So, sweet Prince... Please Find Me! I know you're out there & oh so close! Thanks for reading & best of luck in your search!



Babydoll, you can only find happiness WITHIN yourself. Your prince is yourself. Don't look for it elsewhere.

OK, folks, do you understand WHY I'm single....it's to a point where I'm just like, "Why bother?"
I think it's just me and the dog, and I feel fine!

Bay of Angels

JUST GO.

Red Dot Restaurant & Bar
321 Warren St
Hudson NY 12534
Restaurant 518 828 3657
Office 518 828 2359

Thursday, July 26, 2007

See the play. It's all the rave in Schenectady!

For me, this 'Egg' is representative of the entire Capital District. Am I wrong?

Have you seen this play yet?

Final 6 Performances of "A Wedding Story"


Come check out the last week of this fantastic production that the Schenectady Gazette calls "best production of the season in the Capital District."

I mean, there you have it, folks...it's the best production in the Capital District. Is Hudson in the Capital District? I don't even know....
Have I seen it? No. The GayHudson.com press tickets must have gotten lost in the mail....so, I don't know. But Curtis is still offering blow jobs for a free seat.
"A Wedding Story"
by Bryony Lavery (Tony nomination and the TMA Award 'Frozen')

When: July 25 at 7:30
July 26 at 7:30 (Talk back after performance)
July 27 at 8
July 28 at 3
July 28 at 8
July 29 at 2

Where: StageWorks/Hudson41-A Cross StreetHudson, NY 12534


Price: Weekday/Matinee/Sunday $22

Friday/Saturday $27

Box Office: (518) 822-9667

for more information you can check out http://stageworkshudson.org/

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Rosie's 30th Birthday Party this Sat at Stray Bar - July 28th


This Saturday at Stray Bar, DJ Giovanni is spinning. It's Rosie's 30th Birthday.

I have NO idea who Rosie is, but I doubt it's Rose from the Golden Girls.

Probably not.

Any possible excuse I can find to post a photo of Bea Arthur on this website, and I'll use it.

Here's the info:

Rosie's 30th birthday @ StrayBar July 28th...
9-11pm private party
11pm and on Open to All!
i'll be spinnin' all nite!
xo Gio'

You should go. Why not?

I might even show up. Who knows, I usually have to be pulled out of my house, though.

I rarely go out in Hudson. I usually just stay home on a Saturday night, and then the next day, wonder why I'm not getting laid....

....yeah...so....

But, really, why can't I just "order in"? Has no one started a good call boy service in Hudson yet?

Fine. It's the FIRST thing I'll do as Mayor!

It's Hudson! Prostitution is in this town's BLOOD!

Monday, July 23, 2007

A Plunger, yes, a plunger....

photo courtesy of SpankMeHard.com

[Editor's NOTE, the new poll should read "LIKELY item", sorry for the typo, but since someone voted, I cannot edit it...shit]

The FIRST GayHudson.com poll has closed!! A new one has started! Trumpets please!

In our first poll, we asked, YOU, our local, dedicated, viewers;

What do you like to do in Hudson?

And the WINNER was:

EAT ASS, GET FUCKED, GIVE BLOW JOBS IN THE PARK!!

YAY!

Now, remember, the question was what do you like to do...

I don't really think that anyone actually DOES have sex in Hudson, other than a select, chosen few. People who have sex in Hudson are like Jews, they are the "Chosen People".

And if you have sex in Hudson AND you're Jewish, forget it! You're a rarity, like the bald eagles on the island. People only HOPE that they can catch sight of you, from the corner of their eye...

That being said, we have a new poll this week, based on the local Hudson hardware store.

OK, folks...you know my "Happy Happy Up Up" philosophy....

It wanes.

I'm tired of hearing, "No, we don't have it, but you can find it at Walmart..."

.....sigh.....where do I start?


Comments regarding the hardware store go here. Discuss.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Alder-A-Go-Go!!

Who is the Mayor of Hudson?

What WARD do you live in?

Who's your Alderman? Alderperson? Alder-A-Go-Go?

This video will answer all your Hudson political questions...



You realize that I am Jo Anne Worley at the end....just WAIT until I run for MAYORESS of Hudson...

Dick Tracey? Please...yuk, yuk, yuk

Death of Count Gottfried von Bismarck, GayHudson.com backer.

Gayhudson.com is asking all Hudsonians to declare a truce in their north/south battles, their boycotts of Walmart, BOOB, and the Ladies Auxilliary, their petty animosities whatever they may be and come together in a moment of silence this Saturday at midnight to mourn the passing of Count Gottfried. He was a man whose life exemplified all we hold sacred in Hudson, and who should serve as an inspiration to us all.........

"Count Gottfried von Bismarck, who was found dead on Monday aged 44, was a louche German aristocrat with a multi-faceted history as a pleasure-seeking heroin addict, hell-raising alcoholic, flamboyant waster and a reckless and extravagant host of homosexual orgies."

Excessive drinking.

Excessive drug use.

Excessive homosexuality.

May his spirit live on.

[Editor's Note: Many of you may not know that Count Gottfried actually provided the financial backing for GayHudson.com. Without him, this website, staff, and corporate office complex would not be possible.....now that he died, now we don't have to pay him back!]

Thursday, July 19, 2007

I'm tired - YOU do the post today....

OK, sometimes these posts just take it all out of me...

I'm spent.

Like every creative juice just SQUEEZED and SUCKED out of me.

I need a day off (and I need to prepare the obituary for tomorrow...one of GayHudson.com's leaders has passed....sad...)

Anyway, here are some photos that I've been saving, and I just don't know HOW to use them.

YOU come up with the story around them.

Good luck!






Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The war wages on....

Sallie Mae, a famous Hudson resident, was once a can-can girl at "Le Point Rouge". She still lives South of Warren, among the fascists. She defends herself with her gun and nerves of steel.

Sallie Mae, in her youth, a former dancing girl at "Le Point Rouge"

"Those fucking SOW's! They came to my house and told me I had to take off the plastic slip covers. I shot them both. Now, they know better. And if it weren't for those slip covers, I'd have blood stains!"

Sallie Mae shot this South of Warren woman in the back.
The plastic slip covers stayed.


"I used to work, 'Le Point', back in the day. It's still a great place. And really, the only place where both North and South come together."

"Le Point Rouge" is the only true neutral zone in Hudson.

The manager of "Le Point" realizes that in order for the infamous cabaret club to stay open, she needs the money from South of Warren and the loose morals from North of Warren.

Combined, it makes "Le Point Rouge" the most popular, and successful, place in Hudson.

Manager of "Le Point Rouge", where dancing girls are plentiful.


"Those dancing girls at 'Le Point'," continues Sallie Mae, "they all are available at a price. Trust me. EVERYTHING in Hudson is available for a price!"

Some say that prices continue to drop in Hudson as the war wages on.

Warren Street today

It's ebb and flow in Hudson. Stores open and close on Warren Street. Some, so quickly, no one understands why. It must be the war.

One day, North and South may be able to live together. Until then, the two factions come together at "Le Point Rouge". Many drink and forget about interior design. Sometimes, you might even find a North of Warren taking a South of Warren home for the evening, past "Checkpoint Shirley".

There are the sad few who continue to talk about interior design at "Le Point". Talk interior design to a NOW grrrl at "Le Point Rouge", and she'll shoot you.

The body will be cleaned up quickly, and the dancing girls come out. And everyone "forgets" what happened.


A South of Warren girl preparing dinner for her houseguests.
Houseguests are common South of Warren.

EXPLAIN YOUR VOTE!!!

Who the hell is voting FOR "Eating in fabulous restaurants"?

Explain yourself.

Just when I thought I KNEW my constituents, you pull some crap like this.

What the fuck?

:)

But, explain your vote here in the comments.

Sunsets? What are you, some romantic? Geezaloo!

Monday, July 16, 2007

JOIN the NOW cause!

Even if you were raised a South of Warren girl, and you've been through the Ladies Auxiliary Committee training camp, there's still hope for you.

South of Warren girls CAN change and become North of Warren "grrrls". NOW grrrls understand the philosophy of inexpensive, yet tasteful, interior design freedom. NOW grrrls can kill a man with a gun, or their hips....and NOW outfits are much sexier, as this video proves.

You, too, can become a NOW grrrl! Join NOW. Act fast. South of Warren is taking over. We must not lose Hudson!


A House Tour with a South of Warren Girl

If you STILL don't know the difference between a South of Warren girl and a North of Warren girl, let GayHudson.com help you make the distinction.

Below is an EXCLUSIVE video, found by informant, Tippy the cat, from the Muddy Cup. Tippy is one of NOW's top spies. Be wary of all pussies; some are sweet and gentle, but some are out to destroy you!

This video is shows a South of Warren girl in her home. GayHudson.com understands that ALL South of Warren girls are trained to sing this song in the SOW training camp. If North of Warren can understand the South of Warren mentality, then maybe one day South of Warren interior design fascism will be defeated.




Live free in comfort, with full back support!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

New GayHudson.com Pay-Per-View Theatre


People tell me,

"I don't pay for porn. I just go to all these free share/sites, like Limewire, and I download all this porn. I never pay."

You know what, you're a jerk.

Porn costs money to produce. Talent, production costs, editing, post-production.

We now have the GayHudson.com Pay-Per-View Theatre.

CLICK HERE!

Enjoy!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Trixie and Max


"FUCK YOU!! You little piece of SHIT!!!" Trixie spat into his mouth and slapped his face! SLAP!

"Please, please, I'll do anything you want! Anything!" Max, an out-of-shape 40-something South of Warren man was tied to the wall, naked, spread-eagle, pleading for his life.

Trixie walked over in her seven inch spiked heels and tightened the clamps on his nipples. Trixie, the North of Warren beauty and interrogator is 27, thin, firm perky tits, head to toe in patent leather. "TELL ME! TELL ME! Where is the new South of Warren Ladies Auxiliary training camp!? I need to know! NOW, bastard!"

SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

More slaps across the face. Max's combed-over hair was now on the wrong side of his head. His dick was hard.

"Trixie, you know I can never tell you THAT information!"

Trixie got out the scrotum twist-ties and cockring. She tied up his balls so they were red and swelling.

"Do you like your balls?" asked Trixie "Do you want to keep them? Were you planning on having any more kids?"

She got out the clothespins.

Max was quivering, shaking with anticipation.

"Maybe this will help you remember!"

Slowly, she put the clothespins on his balls. Max rolled his eyes into his head. The pain was shooting through his body, in waves.

"Still quiet? Eh, Max?" Trixie still had a few tricks up her sleeve, and a night stand full of them.

She untied one of Max's handcuffs and threw his face up against the wall. Now, Max's sagging ass was in full view.

"Please, Trixie," he pleaded, "be gentle!"

"FUCK YOU!" she yelled, "You South of Warren PIG! Who the hell do you think you are? You and all of your stupid interior design concepts! People in this town want to be FREE! Free to decorate however they want! No one needs your fascist design principals!"

She grabbed the paddle and gave him several swacks until his white hairless ass was red and blistered.

Then she lifted her leg and plunged her high heel spike into his ass cheek. There was just a little blood.

"NO!" said Max. He was rubbing his dick against the wall, trying to get off.

"Still nothing, huh, big boy? Well, let's see if you can handle THIS!?"

She got out, the "Big Boy".


Max turned around, "Hey, Trix....could you please use a LITTLE bit of lube, this time?"

"NO!"

She spit on the end of the "Big Boy" and shoved the big round tip tight up against his asshole.

Trixie kept pushing it in, harder, and harder.

"OK, OK, OK, Trixie. I'll tell you....it's Stray Bar. The South of Warren Ladies Auxiliary Committee is planning on buying Stray Bar and turning it into their new training grounds."

The South of Warren Ladies Auxiliary Committee in training

"What? Stray Bar? And who's financing this?"

"It's the BOOBS, Trixie." (For those infrequent readers, the BOOBS are Hudson's Bottom-Owned and Operated Businesses.)

He continued, "The BOOBS don't like you NOW girls....but Trixie, you have to understand, they're just trying to make a living selling expensive furniture. It's their livelihood."

"Shut up, Max," said Trixie, "there's already enough BOOB jobs in Hudson!! We don't need anymore. I'm done with you, now. Get your clothes on and leave an extra fifty on the table, you stained the sheets." She undid the handcuffs.

Max rushed to Trixie and held her in his arms.

"Trixie. This can all change! Come, run away with me. I'll leave my SOW wife and we'll go away, up north to places like Albany and Troy, where they've never even HEARD of Interior Design! Trixie, I love you."

"No Max, no. My place is here, in Hudson, fighting the good fight against designer fascism. We can't lose Hudson, Max, we can't. And plus, Albany? C'mon Max, they're BARBARIANS up north! Even us tougher-than-nails NOW girls are scared of Albany.....Just go, Max, just go."

"Until next time, Trixie."

"Max, may you always find comfort and full-back support! North of Warren rules!"

Max's combed-over dog, Sal.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Why I left the Pines


I was emailing a friend this morning, and of course, I got on my soapbox of why I can't stand most gay men, and the 'scene', and a gay culture that's never happy; and they always want more....more muscles, bigger dick, tighter ass, more guys, more drugs, more, more, more....blah, blah, blah...

Until, at one point, he was like,

"Um.....what bug crawled up YOUR ass and died, babydoll?"

Fine.

So, apologies to my friend (I'm always amazed I actually HAVE any) because he's a good guy for listening to me....and it really IS me, not you.

God, how many times have I said THAT? But, this time, it's true. :) Love ya!

Anyway, this is why I left the Pines, and ended up in Hudson, I guess...

I started summer half-shares in the Pines 1994. I was 24, working on Wall Street, and a half share was $2,500. A half share means half a bedroom, every other weekend, 12 weeks or so, total.

It was nirvana. Tons of gay men, beautiful scenery, the days lasted FOREVER. Sex constantly, if you wanted it. On your way to the grocery store, you get a blow job. Then, you buy the milk, and go back to your house. Like it was nothing.

My friends and I would dress up as Carol Channing and Joanne Worley and do the Invasion of the Pines each Forth of July with the other drag queens. I still have some great friends, and memories, and a ton of photos.
But, most Pines Boys poo-poo EVERYTHING. Cherry Grove? Too many Lez-beens. P-town? Plueez! Too many straight people! Mykonos? Ok, maybe Mykonos.

But, I never really got into going out all night, or doing all the drugs. I never really understood it, or did the right drugs, or whatever. I was tired! And I really can't dance for twelve hours straight. wtf?

I never really "got it".

Maybe that's my problem....or one of my MANY problems....

After a while, I'd rather just read a book, or bake muffins.

Then time passed. And after so many years, QUICKLY, the Pines Boys didn't look very good.

Their shelf life was maybe five years at best.

Someone was always being air-lifted to the hospital because they were either dead, dying, or convulsing on the dancefloor after mixing too many party drugs with the cocktail of HIV meds they were already taking.


I would walk my dog in the morning on the beach, around 8am-ish, and it was a scene from "Night of the Living Dead". Zombie Pines Boys would just be leaving, getting down off of whatever, or SO high that they wanted to have sex with the horseshoe crabs on the beach. Ouch.

Plus, several of my friends, in their late 30's started telling me of how they just sero-converted. After all these years, they just gave up, or had a bad patch with crystal, or whatever.

And all it takes is one bad fuck.

So, I was like, hmmm.....not good...

Granted, I'm not saying Hudson's that much better. I've been at the Red Dot at 2am, and tripped over the drunken gay boys on the floor, clinging to some chintz pillow they stole from an abandoned house. Not a pretty sight, either.

After so many years in the Pines, I realized it really was not for me, and changed myself, my environment, and my life. Within a year, I now have a whole new bunch of amazing friends!

Friends that are SO great, that they do favors for me without me asking! I'm constantly amazed! A Pines Boy would NEVER do anything for you, unless you had drugs, knew David Geffen, or had a twelve inch dick.

Now, I write this silly blog, that people actually read (go fucking figure!). I write about North v. South of Warren wars, midget porn, and Joan Rivers look-a-likes stalking you at night. All of which is true.

So, what am I getting at?

My poor friend listened to me whine and complain all morning. When, really, if it weren't for Hudson, I wouldn't have a good friend like him, to whine and complain to.

(excuse the dangling preposition...I hate to have things dangling...)

I was in Hudson all week last week, and a neighbor just GAVE me her lawn mower. She didn't use it any more, here, she said, take it. I still can't believe it.

Another friend called me repeatedly to get me out of the house on a rainy evening, even offering to drive NORTH of Warren street to pick me up, past the main checkpoint, "Checkpoint Shirley".

Even just sitting on the river with a bottle of wine and some company, an offer for a ride to the store, an invitation to stop by, or furniture that people just give me, comes easily in Hudson.

But, the best story, last week, I found some great Lucille Ball furniture at the Salvation Army. $172 for a couch and chair! I told a friend that I was thinking about getting it.

His first, immediate response was, "I'll stop by at noon."

I was like, "What?"

"Noon. I'll come by, get you and we'll get the furniture." I didn't even have to ask....he just offered.

And at noon, he was there. He helped me load and unload the furniture, and carried it up my stairs. At one point, he was on his hands and knees, with my Lucille Ball couch on his back.

I mean, really, folks, what more do you want from life?

Thanks, Hudson.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Hudson Gay Street Gangs are on the Rise


GayHudson.com EXCLUSIVE!!!

The staff of GayHudson.com, in keeping with our Peabody-award winning journalism, known for excellence and integrity, would like to bring you this exclusive story on gay street gangs in the city of Hudson, New York.

We constantly strive for objectivity, bringing you the facts, and just the facts. This exclusive story would not be possible without our living-on-the-streets reporter, Agnes.

Agnes has an "in" with one of the coppers in town.

While he was tied up with his own handcuffs, she stole the City Police file on gay street gangs in Hudson.

City of Hudson Gay Street Gangs

You've seen them , you know who they are, but lately, it's been getting worse. They are a threat to our community, and to the "good gays" of town. The staff here at GayHudson.com would like to do our part, to end the sorrow, stop the violence - before anyone cries and their mascara runs!

Let's open the file up on the Gay Street Gangs of Hudson!

The "Baby Jane Hudsons"

There are about 6-10 in the Baby Jane Hudson clan. They are mostly gay white men, who, when drunk, dress up as Baby Jane Hudson and "terrorize" any single gay boy in town.

They "attack" en masse, Clockwork-Orange style. They come on too strong, touch their victims inappropriately, invade their personal space, and make them drink bottom shelf vodka. Soon the single boy runs and grabs the next Amtrak back to Manhattan.



Many believe it's because of the "Baby Jane Hudson" gang that there are so few gay single men in Hudson.


The "Joan Hudson Rivers" Gang


The other vicious gay street gang is the "Joan Hudson Rivers". They stand on the street corner, usually Warren and 3rd, and without any warning, will attack your fashion choices.

The "Joan Hudson Rivers" gang members have no boundaries. Nothing is sacred. They attack the young and the old, gay and straight, black and white...Usually, their fashion victims run away in tears, scarred for life.

No one knows who they are or how old they are. Their "disguise" is impermeable. YEARS of plastic surgery hide their true identities.

If you or anyone you know have any information, about any of these gay gang members, please contact us, or just leave a comment.

Thank you.

Please, let's keep Hudson safe for all.

Wedding Story

Another break in the war of North vs. South, to bring you the latest performance at Cross Street (not the Hudson Opera House). This story was delivered by our intern, Curtis. Curtis lives in a trailer in Greenport and gets tickets to all of Stageworks productions.

He can't afford the ticket price, though, so he has to give blow jobs in the park across from the Theatre, down by the river....look for him about a half hour before the show.

Babydoll, blow jobs for theatre tickets? ...and he still says he's not gay.

One day, in the near future, GayHudson.com will be RECOGNIZED as the FINE MEDIA OUTLET it is for the town of Hudson! We will receive our information directly from the source, as opposed to relying on common whores for our news stories....

One day, dammit, GayHudson.com might even get preview screening tickets! Until then, the staff of GayHudson.com will continue giving blow jobs in the park across the street....


"A Wedding Story" by Bryony Lavery at StageWorks in Hudson, NY.

The production opens runs July 11 and runs until July 29th.

Bryony Lavery received a Tony nomination and the TMA Award for her play, Frozen.

Performance Dates:
July 11 at 730 (Preview)
Jully 12 at 730 (Preview)
July 13 at 8
July 14 at 8
July 15 at 2
July 18 at 730
July 19 at 730 (Talk back after performance)
July 20 at 8
July 21 at 8
July 22 at 2
July 25 at 730
July 26 at 730 (Talk back after performance)
July 27 at 8
July 28 at 3
July 28 at 8
July 29 at 2

Price:
Preview $16
Weekday/Matinee/Sunday $22
Friday/Saturday $27

Box Office: (518) 822-9667

for more information you can check out http://stageworkshudson.org/

Saturday, July 7, 2007

The Lost Art of Mac and Cheese


I went to the TSL event again last night, on Friday, and sat by the water, talked to a few people I knew, and ordered the Mac and Cheese (again), and this time, with a side of collard greens.

$5, so not vegan, and totally worth it.

It's not because I like Mac and Cheese, and I don't like collard greens.

The food was made by the nicest family under the tent, the little old lady who collects the money makes the Mac and Cheese in the morning.

This is why I came to Hudson, folks.

Yes, Hudson is less expensive than East Hampton and the Pines. But, if you're only in Hudson because it's less expensive, then really, you should go live in East Hampton or the Pines. If that's where your heart is, and you feel more comfortable, then you should be there.

I for one, don't want to see Hudson become East Hampton. East Hampton is gross, (on so many levels, the people, the attitude, the stupid "shoppes"....) All of the Martha Stewart wanna-be's, weaving baskets and making children's toys from dryer lint, what are they trying to capture?

The Lost Art of Mac and Cheese.

The Martha Stewart wanna-bes (gay and straight) have let their corporate lives "beige" and bland them from any connection to a heritage or culture, and any real identity. The corporate centralization of restaurant chains and retail stores has also taken away much of our local identity, and sense of "place". A mall in New Jersey could be the same mall in Phoenix or Gainesville.

Does the little old Hudson lady who makes the Mac and Cheese watch Martha Stewart? No. Martha watches HER, and those like her. Martha co-opts the "realness" factor, the provincialism, and then parades it to the millions in centralized, corporate, America.

If you want East Hampton, go to East Hampton, with faux "realness".

I'm here in Hudson because the realness is real and it's still HERE, in this town.

Hudson should be appreciated for being "Hudson" and not a less expensive alternative.

(and don't even get me STARTED on the Pines....that's a WHOLE different blog post....)


PS - I get one overly academic post every once in a while....from Martha Stewart to StraightBoysFucking.com - PERFECT.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Letters from the Front Lines

Sign on Warren Street warning of boarder crossings to the North.

A friend told me in STRICTEST confidence today (which is why I'm posting it on the blog....)

"I got a letter today from the South of Warren Ladies Auxiliary Committee, and I don't know what to do! Can you help me?!!"

For those of you not aware, the South of Warren Ladies Auxiliary Committee are also known as "The Enforcers". They are the most powerful organization in Hudson. They are much more powerful than Hudson B.O.O.B., the Bottom-Owned and Operated Businesses.


The South Of Warren Ladies Auxiliary Committee actually gets things done. Their means are sometimes criticized as "too harsh", but they are the enforcers of the "Mitchell Gold Laws", South of Warren.


I talked to my friend, "What exactly happened?"

"Well, you know, Home Depot has long been recognized an acceptable retail distributor. But it seems that last week, in the middle of the night, the 'Mitchell Gold Laws' were changed! You MUST now have CUSTOM CUT kitchen cabinets. Mine are all STANDARD FIT!"

He's sobbing on the other end of the phone.

He continues, "Oh My God, what if they find out that my GE appliances are NOT monogram? How could they do this! It's just not fair! There was no vote!"

There's never a 'vote'...

"OK," I said, "listen we have to act quickly! If you got a letter, then that means you're on their hit list. I need to get you papers. How much cash do you have, what's liquid? I need five grand."

"OK, I think I can do it....but what about all my STUFF?"

"Leave it. No time. Wire me the money. I'll call 'Jane' and see if she can get me the papers. She works in county government. But, the EARLIEST I can do is Monday."

"Jane" is part of the Hudson Underground Railroad

"Jane" is a North of Warren gal. Simple and fabulous, she fights the power. She has a job at the Columbia County office building on State and 4h. She also has a contact at the DMV, which is thankfully on the NORTH side of Warren. Jane can get the ID's, but she has to pay off the DMV clerk. Jane has been arrested before, but she continues with the struggle.


My friend is concerned, "But, what if the Ladies Auxiliary Committee comes to my house before Monday?"

"Ok, this is what you do, listen up. Take all your jewlery, put it in balls of bread, and SWALLOW IT! I know that you can swallow!"

"Can't I stick it up my ass?"

"NO, FOOL!!! That's the FIRST place the South of Warren Ladies Auxiliary Committee LOOKS!! Just swallow your jewelry and RUN through the alleys to the Quaker Meeting House on Union between 3rd and 4th."

The Meeting House is one of the few safe spaces we have South of Warren. Most people don't know that there's a basement.


"And remember, the HELP will HELP you. That's all I can tell you now. Look for a Camino. You'll be fine."