Thursday, June 25, 2009
"We really should do something in Hudson for the 40th anniversary of Stonewall, no?"
"Fine," I said, "I'll bake some cream puffs."
Baking cream puffs is a far cry from starting a riot, but maybe we're just not that angry anymore. Or, maybe you win more people over with butter and cream...and some sugar!
Here's the deal:
The Muddy Cup is now PARLOR. You know where it is.
We're here. We're Parlor. Get used to it.
In celebration of the Stonewall Riot this weekend, on Sunday, PARLOR is going to give a free cup of coffee to anyone in drag.
That's enough of a reason for me.
I'll do drag for a cup of coffee. All I need is an excuse, it doesn't have to be a big one. Free coffee? Sure, grab the wig and a pair of hose!
Also, also, also, if you MENTION GayHudson.com, you'll get 50 cents off your order!!
Don't say I never gave you anything.
I'm the gift that keeps giving.
True - I'm baking cream puffs that will be on sale at PARLOR, the first batch will be at Parlor on Sunday.
AND - on Sunday, from 2-4pm, I'll be there, handing out FREE bite-sized cream puff samples. First come, first serve.
Ya snooze, ya looze.
Happy Stonewall Riot!
See you on Sunday!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The city of Hudson Common Council is going to vote to use the currently abandoned Charles Nelson Reilly School on Robinson Street for transitional housing for homeless women, children and non-single men.
As he was leaving City Hall, Hudson Alderman Gene Rayburn was heard saying, "Stupid Art was so stupid, he wanted to put transitional housing in the BLANK."
Sunday, June 21, 2009
If you told me five years ago, that I'd be in drag, in the rain, selling Tupperware in Catskill, New York, I would have been shocked.
Then, I'd ask, "What does the outfit look like?"
Sometimes in life, you just have to say, "Fuck it." Just have fun, just do the things you want to do, and don't worry about what other people think or say.....which is not easy in this town!
Ok, true stories....
One lady came up to me, and whined, "Is this really Tupperware?"
I said to her, "Yeah, lady, it's really fucking Tupperware! Can't you see the catalogs? What do you think, I'm making this up!?!"
What the fuck, people? What was she thinking, that somehow, I couldn't possibly be QUALIFIED to sell plastic?
Give me a break!
Listen lady, it's easy. You pay Tupperware a fee, they send you a kit and an instructional sales video (which I obviously never watched), and you're a Tupperware Lady!
(Sorry - the politically correct term is now "Tupperware Consultant." What-eva.)
Anyway, there I was, sitting there, trying to force people to play with my Tupperware and make salsa, when a young transsexual walked up and started talking to me.
He asked, "I was hoping that there'd be more trans people here."
I said, "Well....I don't know where they are. This is Catskill, it's mostly lesbians."
I was thinking, I really couldn't care less how many trans people showed up. If they show up, they show up. I know that we're now the LBGT community, but call me old-fashioned, I still say 'gay and lesbian'.
He then said, "I can't wait to start taking more hormones. Are you on hormones?"
"Am I on hormones? No, I'm not on hormones."
Then it dawned on me. Oh, yeah, I'm in drag, and he/she thinks that I'm a transsexual.
I said, "I dress like this to sell plastic. It's a gimmick, get it?"
Once I was a Schleppa,
now I'm Miss Mazzeppa,
with my revolution in dance.
You gotta have a gimmick,
if you wanna have a chance!
Then he/she told me about getting surgery. He/she asked if I was thinking of surgery.
"Me? I'm not getting any surgery....I like being a boy and my boy parts. It's fine."
"I can't wait to get electrolysis, and get rid of this beard."
I said, "I don't really worry about things like that. Sometimes I go all out and shave my pits, but that's about it. Hey, you wanna to buy some Tupperware?"
"I can't right now."
"Well then, here's a citrus peeler, kid. You can peel your oranges with it and not ruin your nails."
"Thanks," and he/she walked away.
That's it. I have no heart-warming ending for you.
PS - I have another Tupperware Party at pm on Sunday, June 21st, 5pm. This way, the hilarity of my life can continue....
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Be careful of the old "bait and switch" game!
It happens all the time!
You're out on the dance floor, dancing and making out with some hot guy, then he says, "I have a boyfriend. Maybe the three of us can make out?"
And you really like this guy, so you say, "Sure," without having seen the boyfriend.
You go back to the hotel room, and here's his boyfriend:
Would you make out with Rip Taylor to then be able to make out with Brad Pitt?
It's one of those questions that has no answer, like
'how many angels dance on the head of a pin'?
Oh - trannies are KNOWN for the old 'bait and switch'. Show them some boobs, start sucking their dick in the back seat of the car, and then...
"WHOOAH!! LOOK WHAT I FOUND!! Who put that there? I had no idea that you were a man!! Well.....anyway.....since you're here....I might as well....."
Now, let's talk Hudson politics!
I spend a lot of time in the streets, and what I'm hearing is...let's say the county wants to put a homeless shelter in the middle of town, without consulting anyone.....they get everyone riled up (making comparisons to Iran) - and THEN - the county says...
"Homeless shelter? Nooooo....Did we say homeless shelter? What we meant was we REALLY want the city of Hudson to _____________". (fill in the blank).
The blank could very well be 'suck hot trannie dick'.
At this point, the entire city, Republicans and Democrats, would rather suck hot trannie dick behind a dumpster on Prison Alley than have a homeless shelter in the middle of town.
The old 'Bait and Switch'.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
This Friday night, see the Drag King and Drag Queen show at Doubles II! 29 Church St in Catskill. I'm putting together a mob of angry Hudsonians to storm the village of Catskill, pillage and plunder its inhabitants, and take the fair maidens - if they have any left.
Just like the old days!
I've seen Isis perform and she's excellent!!!
Just go, it's only $5. Why not? What else are you doing?
On Saturday, it's River Pride in Catskill. Click here for all details.
Stop by and say Hi, I'll be selling Tupperware. Yes, I'll be selling Tupperware....
Actually, I think I'm now the ONLY Tupperware Consultant in Columbia AND Greene Counties.
That's right, kiddos! It's true.
You think you can piss me off, huh?
You think you can just pick me up, bring me home, expect me to blow you and then not call the next day?
Well, listen, Mr. So-Proud-of-Himself,
You just try to buy some Tupperware in this county.
I dare you.
You want good plastic? You have to go through Trixie Starr now.
You're all like, "Oh, Trixie, I love you, you're so great...."
Then you treat me like you OWN me or something.
Listen loser, go buy yourself some cheap-ass Rubbermaid crap at Walmart for all I care.
That's right. Who's on top now?
If you can't make it to Catskill, then come by Sunday to my Tupperware Party at pm wine bar - help celebrate their one year anniversary!
Happy Gay Pride, Hudson Valley!
I called Al Goldstein this morning.
"Al, there's a kink in the deal. We may not get the place."
I have been working tirelessly to turn the St. Charles Hotel in Hudson into a retirement community for elderly porn stars.
I want to call it:
"Porn Pastures - the Adult Adult Home."
It would be perfect!
With Viagra, elderly porn stars are still kicking! They would bring a little boomlet of adult industry to Hudson.
The granny porn market is big, and only getting bigger.
which means that there were at least 30 other videos in this series...
The St. Charles would be a wonderful places for the aged porn actors, from what I've heard it even has the damp, stuffy odor that elderly adult stars enjoy!
Ah, the smell of dried-up semen can bring you right back to the Adonis Theater on Eighth Avenue.
But, the county wants to turn the St. Charles into a homeless shelter!
THEY HAVE NO VISION!!! They should have called me.
The Common Council acted as soon as they found out, and now every alderman in the city agreed on something.
One alderman is quoted in the Register-Star today as saying, "It's like Iran." (and you think I use hyperboles....)
There is absolutely no regard for the local businesses or merchants who are working hard, employing people, and paying taxes.
I'm sure that a homeless shelter is necessary (and as a side note, I used to volunteer at a homeless shelter in Manhattan - true), but does it have to be in the middle of Hudson?
Ok, this is what you do:
This website has the info: Hudson Democrats
Here's the story in the Register Star: June 16, June 17
Next, you have to sign the Petition. CLICK HERE.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I saw this flyer yesterday and then it showed up in my mailbox today.
I had no idea what it is.
I was thinking - a band?
It got my attention because there's an image of some hot naked guy jerking off.
But, then, there are also horses drinking beer....so....I got confused.
Is it gay?
Maybe it's straight?
Well...maybe it's that noveau genre of straight men, like the guys from MTV's 'Jackass'? Straight guys who are SO comfortable with the gay thing, that they have no problem hanging around naked with each other, and after a few beers, you know, they might jerk off together watching porn.
They all have girlfriends.
Maybe they'll suck each other off, just to help a friend out, if it's like 5 am, and they're on the road, in some sleazy motel in Lancaster, PA or somewhere.
Or, maybe there's one girl in the motel room, and they're all banging her together - and someone's hand or dick, drifts a little.....and before you know it, it's like a gay porn movie.
I mean, I don't really know, those are just the images that the flyer brought to MY mind from looking at it at the tattoo parlor on Warren and before I walked into the diner three doors down.
The flyer reads that the boundaries between gay and straight are blurred.
Which is probably what they wanted, although, I think that I filled in some of the extra 'blanks' in this blog post, which is probably what they do NOT want.
All publicity is good, as long as they spell your name right.
Here's the band's myspace page. CLICK HERE. You can hear their music.
Here's an article that appeared in Chonogram.
When a band member says:
"I’m into the Jungian archetypal way of thinking."
Then, they think too much.
I mean, I think a lot, too....I just think of different things.
Can someone let me know where the band is staying in Hudson?
I'll show up in drag in their hotel room at 5am, and who knows what'll happen....that'll give them something to write songs about!
Friday, June 12, 2009
Columbia County residents get a FREE day at DIA in Beacon!
DIA: BEACON invites all residents of Columbia County to participate in the Community Free Day program. Visitors from Columbia County will be admitted to the museum FREE of charge on Saturday, June 13 from 11:00 am to 6:00 pm. Residents should present a valid driver's license, voter registration card or other government-issued ID for free entry. At 1:00 pm a Guided Tour of Dia's collection will be conducted. For more information and directions to DIA:BEACON, visit diaart.org.
Isn't Saturday the 13th Flag Day? (Well, Flag Day is on a Sunday, but Hudson is celebrating it on the Saturday.)
So, instead of being around on Flag Day, you can go to DIA.
Do you think that the DIA people know this? hmmmm.....
It's like when Bravo would do a ABFAB marathon on Superbowl Sunday.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
My phone has been ringing, ringing, ringing!
For those of you who know me VERY WELL, you know that I use a little Jean Naté After Bath Splash in the morning. On a lady's more delicate areas, it can put a little perk in your step!
Plus, it washes away the stench of another l-o-n-g Saturday night walking up and down Front Street, hoping to make enough cash for a burrito.
Thank God a new, less expensive burrito place opened in Hudson! Mexican food doesn't come cheap in this town! I work hard for a burrito, chips and salsa, and a frozen margarita!
"I'll give you an extra ten dollars, Trixie, if you keep the opera-length gloves on!"
"Fine, Jake, I'll do it! But, you're buying me a new pair!"...sobs...
...thanks to the little bird who sent me the clipping!
Friday, June 5, 2009
I constantly tell people to come visit Hudson.
For the people who live in Hudson, I tell them to get out of town more.
This weekend, go to New Paltz pride. Meet some other gay people, network.
Spread the word about Hudson!
Let them know that there are some gay people this far up the river.
Sunday, June 7th
Hudson Valley Pride, New Paltz, All Day
5th annual pride march and festival with events running all day throughout the town:
12p Pride Rally, New Paltz Middle School
1p Pride March, New Paltz Middle School to Hasbruck Park via Main Street
2p Pride Festival, Hasbruck Park
5p Official Pride After-Party to benefit The Center, Joe’s East/West, Main Street
6p Unofficial Pride After-Party to benefit The Center, Primetime Dance Club, Highland
"Trixie, why did Catskill beat Hudson to a gay pride parade?"
The answer, Virginia, is one word: Lesbians.
Catskill has more lesbians, that's why they're better organized.
More lesbians live in Catskill than in Hudson. Now, I don't have an official count, the census results are not in, but in my estimate, Catskill is more outdoorsy, less 'la-di-dah', there's a Home Depot AND a Lowe's....so, of course there are more lesbians living there.
Lesbians know how to organize!
Gay men can throw parties. We'll put up some decorations, hire a DJ, slap on a wig and some lipstick, and we'll have a party.
I can put together the best fucking party between Poughkeepsie and Albany before my second cup of coffee!
But - when it comes down to notifying the local police, and getting together sound equipment, and tables and chairs, and FORMS to fill out - ugh - I can't even think anymore -----
That's when you call in the lesbians.
Let them do it. They're good at it.
And let's talk about SINGLE lesbians!
Single lesbians - lesbians that aren't obsessing over their current girlfriend (of two weeks) - are DYNAMOS!
One single lesbian has the organizational power of fifty gay men!
That's your answer, Virginia.
Plus, you should go, because I'll be selling Tupperware at Riverpride! For real real.
I haven't made any money (legally) by Catskill Creek in a while.
Click on www.RiverPride.com for more details!
See ya there!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The prostitutes won't even go down that far.
Click on the image above and read the flier. I haven't even read it.
As you already know, I'm not crazy about "art".
I mean, if you want to buy it, buy it. Don't let me stop you.
Pay the sales tax so that it goes into the city coffers, which means less money that I'll have to pay for the police and fire departments.
Girlfriends, let's talk....
Have you ever dated an artist?
How many Starbucks coffee dates have I sat listening to these "artists" (pretending that I'm interested) as they tell me about their life, their art, their this, their that.
Do they ever ask, "Hey, Trixie, how are YOU doing today?"
Gals - if this blog serves ANY purpose, if the past two and a half years and countless hours of me whittling away at my computer amount to anything - please, take my advice.
Beware of these "artists".
Go to the openings, drink the free wine, if they fall in love with you and give you some of their art, take it.
You might need to sell it later....a gal's gotta eat.
But, do yourself a favor....
Find a good guy - with a decent stable job - who treats you right, and can pay his own bills. Someone who's happy being with just you; someone who thinks you're wonderful.
He may not be the prettiest or the most fabulous, or the richest or smartest, but he's a good, reliable guy with a good heart.
He's the keeper.
Click on the image and it'll be easier to read.
This weekend, the Register-Star came out in support of gay marriage!
I'm sending my copy it to our upstate NYS Senator, Senator Saland, who is on the list as NOT supporting gay marriage.
I'm glad the Reg-Star got it together, and wrote an editorial in support. Really, what are they going to do? NOT support gay marriage? The villagers would be out there with their torches and pitchforks!
I live around the corner, so now I don't have to go there and beat anyone up!
I agree with the Register-Star's editorial, except for this ONE line:
"Why is it perfectly acceptable to treat gay people as second-class citizens simply because of who they love?"
It should read:
"Why is it perfectly acceptable to treat gay people as second-class citizens simply because of WHOM they love?"
The person that is being loved is the object in this sentence.
Don't believe me? Ask Grammar Girl! You know that I'm such a Grammar Girl myself....
I believe as gay people, we should be grammatically correct. (I actually care more about grammar and interest rates than gay marriage - which probably says a lot...) Hey, I'd be happy if the Reg-Star corrected MY grammar. Then, I would know that they're reading!
Let's take these two questions:
"Who fucked you, Trixie?" and "Whom did you fuck, Trixie?"
In both examples, the BOTTOM (the one getting fucked) is the object.
In the first question, 'Trixie' is the object, or the bottom. In the second question, the bottom, the object, is the one getting fucked - that's when you use WHOM.
Figure out the object, or the bottom, and you're fine!
(Unless, of course there are two bottoms, then the relationship, and the sentence structure, is doomed.)
Now, you get it?
I'm happy the Reg-Star supported gay marriage.
I'll just leave it at that.
We love Grammar Girl:
As Grammar Girl says:
Still too hard to remember? OK, here's the quick and dirty tip. Like whom, the pronoun him ends with m. When you're trying to decide whether to use who or whom, ask yourself if the answer to the question would be he or him. That's the trick: if you can answer the question being asked with him, then use whom, and it's easy to remember because they both end with m. For example, if you're trying to ask, "Who (or whom) do you love?" The answer would be "I love him." Him ends with an m, so you know to use whom. But if you are trying to ask, "Who (or whom) stepped on Squiggly?" the answer would be "He stepped on Squiggly." There's no m, so you know to use who. So that's the quick and dirty trick: if you can't remember that you use whom when you are referring to the object of the sentence, just remember that him equals whom.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
New Hampshire just passed gay marriage!
Here's an article in the New York Times. The law had to be amended before it was passed. Here's why:
"The bill had been through several permutations in an effort to satisfy Mr. Lynch and certain legislators that it would not force members of religious groups that oppose same-sex marriage to participate in ceremonies celebrating it."
FORCE people to participate in gay marriage ceremonies?
THAT is what held up gay marriage in New Hampshire?
Someone is going to FORCE you to sit in on a gay marriage ceremony?
How many heterosexual marriages have we been FORCED to sit through?
New York might be next....who knows?
If New York passes gay marriage, would we want Hudson to be a gay marriage capital for the state of New York? I've heard this idea around town.
There are enough churches in Hudson.....that no one attends - and they are off the tax rolls!
Put them to good use - make these churches bring in some money!
But, do you REALLY want gay weddings in town every weekend?
Ugh. Be careful what you ask for...
Of course gay people should get married!
Have straight people done any better?
Someone asked me if I was going to endorse Scalera for Mayor.
Listen, if I endorsed every Hudson politician - Supervisor, Alderman, or clerk - with whom I've had relations, then my political viewpoint would be all over the map!!!
Think about what it would do to my credibility!
....not to mention, business!
(Making sure that one politician doesn't know about the other is a challenge in itself!!)
I'm telling you right now....
I LOVE LIFE!!! Every breath of it!
This is me before the coffee.
I love waking up to a gentle car horn blaring, or the soothing sounds of screaming children outside my window; or those breezy summer nights of fighting and yelling.
If they ever find me OD'd in the lavender boudoir of the 'Trixie Chalet', it's NOT because I committed suicide!! Never!
'That Hudson gal! That floosy! That Trixie Starr! She KNEW TOO MUCH!'
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Living in upstate New York, watching one factory close after another, you begin to think that ALL manufacturing has moved out of the country.
It's just that DIFFERENT things are made in the USA, nowadays, like the FLESHLIGHT.
Watch this video, you'll get the idea:
You see, you have to think OUTSIDE of the box, if you want to get ahead. You can get a Fleshlight that looks like a vagina as well.
Just click on this image to order a fake vagina.
Fleshlights are the number one selling sex toy for men....in the world!!
Wouldn't it be great if they were manufactured here in Hudson?
We would have an increase in the tax base, people would have jobs. Everyone would be making money!
I don't see a problem.
This town has a bawdy past....I don't see why not make Fleshlights?
What? You're going to be picky about which industry moves here?
How much fun is it to make humidifiers?
Monday, June 1, 2009
On Saturday, June 6th, it's "Johnny Hazardous Waste Collection Day in Columbia County".
I'm sure you'll find Chi Chi La Rue in Greenport at the Solid Waste Administrative Office, (Columbia County Highway Garage, Route 23B, from 8 am-12 noon) accepting oil-based paints, wood preservatives, solvents, adhesives, your ex-boyfriend, lighter fluids, fuels, engine degreasers, cheap lube you can never get off, brake fluid, car wax, roofing tar, kentamine, poisons, that trick that won't leave, insecticides, mothballs, old butt plugs, aerosol cans, etc.
No radioactive waste! Or VHS porn!
Also, no agricultural wastes, smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, medicines, asbestos, explosives, antifreeze, etc. (That leaves out the leftovers from that party on Saturday).
...or something like that.....