Friday, July 31, 2009

Go Ask MUSTY!


Spiegeltent at Bard college is only about a half-hour drive from Hudson, but you could have gotten there last night by doing a hit of LSD.

It was an amazing night!

It was wonderful seeing Musty and Mother Fletcher perform and seeing a entire community coming out in support.

Thank you Musty, Mother Fletcher, Spiegeltent, and thank you, Hudson!

--Trix

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Henry Hudson and My Cathartic Sledgehammer

True story.

When I volunteered to help out at the Henry Hudson celebration by the waterfront yesterday, I figured I would do something nice and easy.

I would sit behind a table, look pretty, and sell stuff. I can do 'pleasant'....at times.

I wore something casual, yet smart, sporty and comfortable.

The first hour met my expectations - I just sat behind a table, smiled, and looked pretty.

Easy-breezy.

Then the organizer tapped me on the shoulder.

"Um, we need another stage hand. Please, can you help us out?"

Now, I agreed to volunteer and help out when necessary. I made no qualifications or restrictions on my abilities, so, when asked to be a stage hand, I said, "Sure."

Suddenly, I'm unloading boxes from a truck, thinking, 'I'm not dressed properly for this'.

Luckily, the shirt and shorts I wore I bought off clearance racks at the outlet mall - so, I really didn't care what happened to them.

Then, we set up the speakers. The time came to nail spikes into the ground with a small, sturdy sledgehammer. The iron spikes were about two and a half feet long....not small, OK?

It was either going to be me or the other stage hand, a thin, 16-year-old girl with a pony-tail cocked to one side.

Granted, I considered it, but I couldn't really let her do it. I took the sledgehammer and the spikes myself.

Now, if you give me an entity relationship diagram showing several database tables, joins, and primary keys, with your business requirements, then I can write the database-specific structured query language and get you the information you need in the most efficient way possible.

Hand me a sledgehammer and a spike, and I'm lost.

It's 90 plus degrees in the humid sun. I'm not a happy camper, but I was thinking, "Trix, you can do this."

As I was hammering, someone came to mind. (...no names, please...) All of a sudden, I had the strength of a thousand drag queens - a thousand ANGRY drag queens!

The last two spikes went into the ground really quickly.

It was such a wonderful cathartic experience - quick and efficient, with a positive outcome!

...and no one got hurt.

We moved some more boxes and then it was "BREAK TIME"!!

Break time! We got pizza and water and twenty minutes to stop and eat. I felt like a union worker!

I went around and asked my new stage-hand friends how they heard about volunteering for this gig.

A couple of them said that they volunteer for Habitat for the Humanities and helped build some of the houses down on Mill Street, and that's how they found out about this festival.

When I asked them how they felt about building houses, they said,

"You don't need to know anything - we just show up and they tell us what to do. We built walls the other day, and I shingled a roof. I learned how to shingle a roof!"

That's when I realized I was eating pizza with some really extraordinary teens - and I was so fortunate to have met them.

After "break time", we moved a few more boxes around, and then that was it. The organizer came up to me and said, "I'm so sorry - I have you doing manual labor."

"Don't sweat it," I said, "it's not like I'm wearing my heels."

The lessons?
  • Sometimes, when pushed outside your comfort zone, amazing things happen.
  • In flats, I can do just about anything.
  • Never pay full retail, because you just never know....

Love ya,

Trix

Friday, July 24, 2009

It's not my fault you take forever to come....


All of a sudden, without warning, I find myself, in what sounds like the middle of a porn movie. A guy is waving his dick in front of me saying, rather gruffly,

"You want this dick, don't you? C'mon you want it, don't you?"

And I'm thinking, 'Well, not really'.

You see, I came over an hour ago, and dude, I'm tired, I want to go to sleep. I had a few beers, and you know, it's just not my fault it's taking you forever to come. Can you PLEASE just come already so that I can sleep?

Or, what if I just lay here, and you can get off on me somehow which requires the least amount of effort and stress on my part? That would be great. Thanks.

You see, I got biscotti to bake in the morning, and I got another BINGO night I gotta hang fliers for, and then there's this Tupperware party tomorrow at Clear massage, AND I have that toenail fungus prescription at CVS that's ready for pickup and a new set of fliers at Staples, and OMG, I volunteered to help out at the Henry Hudson thing this weekend.....shit, how did I get roped into THAT? And then there's the Whorehouse party on the 8th, and I still haven't picked up the decorations, and I need another gogo dancer. Fuck...I got a lot going on....can you PLEASE just come already so that I can get some sleep!

I know I'm gay and all, but I really don't want your dick right now....it's 4am.....and we've been at this for a while.

Thing is, it's not my fault you're a middle-aged gay man that can only come if the stars are aligned and your favorite porn is in the TV, and this, and that has to be just a certain way, and blah, blah, fucking blah....

Listen guy, your time has expired - either put more quarters in the meter or move your vehicle.

I just blew your boyfriend and he came quick enough. Guess what, dude? It's not me! I know what I'm doing.

Actually, your boyfriend's asleep right now. He's the smart one - he knows you! That's why he invited me over. Now, here I am doing all the work so that HE can get a night off!

JUST COME ALREADY, GODDAMMIT!!!

.....finally.....

Now, get off me.

Thank you.

Trix

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

BINGO MADNESS - HUGE SUCCESS - MORE PLANNED!!!


BINGO Madness at pm, the wine bar, last night was a rollicking good time!

BINGO, wine, cream puffs, and Tupperware - what more do you want?


An unidentified woman with the winning Black-Out BINGO card!!
She won the grand prize! A gift certificate to Casa Urbana!

"I laughed so hard at Trixie's BINGO Madness, I almost peed myself!"

Actually, peeing oneself at BINGO games is fairly common - but at Trixie's BINGO Madness, we take bathroom breaks. I'm not cleaning urine up off the floor at the end of the night....again.

We had no TurtleWax, but contestants at Trixie's BINGO Madness won Tupperware, biscotti, creampuffs, a bottle of champagne, and gift certificates to LICK and CASA URBANA.



Cream puffs baked by yours truly.




The next BINGO Madness will be Tuesday, August 4th @ pm, 7-9pm!

Stay tuned for more fun!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Free Booze and Tupperware at Clear Massage Studio this Saturday 7/25 - 6-9pm


Someone needs to promote local businesses in town.

I said to myself, I have some time, why not?

Anyway, here's the first installment of "Trixie Means Business".

This Saturday, July 25th, I'll be at the Clear Massage Studio at 6 Warren Street selling Tupperware at their opening party from 6-9 pm.

I hope to see you there!

ENJOY!

Trix

Friday, July 17, 2009

BINGO MADNESS - Tuesday, July 21, 7-9pm @ pm, the wine bar


I can barely walk up Warren Street without someone asking,

"Trixie, when are you going to bring out the magic ball spinner?"

OK, I give.

I'm doing BINGO night at pm, the wine bar, this Tuesday, July 21st, from 7-9 pm.

There will be fabulous prizes, but no cash.

This might be the ONLY Trixie event where I don't try to get cash from you.

Then it would be gambling, and I'd have the police and St. Mary's knocking on my door.

(Right now, I just have a bunch of Mary's knocking on my door!)

There are fabulous prizes, including some of my baked goods, some bottles of wine, and whatever else I'm trying to get rid of around the house.

Maybe you'll win that gift you got me for Christmas.....who knows?

All I can guarantee is that I'll spin some balls for you in my magic ball spinner.

You never know what'll happen.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Stewart's Potato Salad


True Story. Verbatim.

I had a carb craving last night.

It's 11pm, and I drove down to Stewart's on Fairview and Greene to get a small container of potato salad.

(Three years ago, I wouldn't have even eaten mayonnaise, but now after living in Hudson, it's like, 'Live a little, Trix'.)

Fine.

I'm in there, I grab the container, and there's some young guy behind the counter and some other young guy customer, and there's some minor altercation. No big whoop. I'm too concerned with the amount of calories in the potato salad and trying to find a small bag of BAKED Lays potato chips and a diet coke.

I mean, I couldn't eat FRIED potato chips at 11pm, no.....that's too much....too crazy.

Baked chips....small bag...I have limits.

Anyway, the other guy leaves and it's just me and the counter clerk, who looks like he's 23, maybe...

As I'm paying for my carbs, he says to me,

"I'd lose my job."

"What?" I had no idea what he was talking about.

"That guy - he wanted to buy cigarettes."

"Oh."

"And he didn't have an ID. I mean, I'd lose my job and get fined $5,000."

"Oh, really? hmmm...So, you have to check everyone's ID before they buy cigarettes?"

"No, only if they look under 30. Like, for instance, if YOU wanted to buy cigarettes, I wouldn't ID you."

"Oh. Thanks."

"Dude, I didn't mean it that way, it's not like you're forty or something."

I turned, gave a Bea Arthur stare, and walked away....

I'm going to see my hair colorist tomorrow.


Mark Eitzel at Jason's on Sunday, July 19th - 8PM $10 cover


Ok --

Here's the deal....

I am so out of touch with today's music scene. I have no idea what people are listening to or why.

And I don't really care that much, either.

All I care about is that at my party, people dance on the dance floor, and buy alcohol.

They could be dancing to Vivaldi's Four Seasons, as long as they pay the cover at the door and their bar tab, I'm happy.

Anyway, there's this musician playing at Jason's on Sunday night, Mark Eitzel.

I don't know who he is, but he seems pleasant enough.

From what I've heard, he's a cock-sucker, so he gets points in my book.

Sorry, I meant to say, he's "openly gay"....that's more PC.

Here's his video and a description from a press release below.

Now, this is what I think......

You should just go. Why?

1) Support local culture.
2) What the fuck else are you doing? I mean, really?
3) This guy has some nice, smooth sounding lyrics. Bring someone to the show that you're digging. Get them drunk, take them home and have messy, drunken sex with them.

After watching his video, I think an evening with Mark Eitzel could be a good sexual lubricant. This way, you can get a nice piece of drunken ass later on, in the night, at 4 am.

And who knows, maybe when you wake up on Monday morning, you can have somewhat better sex with whomever, after, of course, the two of you brushed your teeth.

Morning sex is not good with morning breath.

That's all I got.

Love ya,
Trix






Although chosen for its deliberately nondescript qualities, in retrospect the name American Music Club was the perfect moniker for the lauded San Francisco-based band led by singer/songwriter Mark Eitzel: over the course of seven acclaimed albums, the group tied together the disparate strands of the American musical fabric — rock, folk, country, punk, even lounge schmaltz — into a remarkably distinct and riveting whole, creating a brilliant and cohesive body of work dappled by moments of haunting beauty and impenetrable darkness.

Although born in California, Eitzel spent his formative years in Great Britain and Ohio before returning to the Bay Area in 1980 with the punk band the Naked Skinnies. After the band’s break-up, he founded American Music Club in 1983 with guitarist Vudi, bassist Dan Pearson, keyboardist Brad Johnson and drummer Matt Norelli. Despite the skill and diversity of the other members, Eitzel quickly became the group’s focal point: an evocative vocalist and gutter poet capable of composing songs of disquieting honesty and intensity.

Jason's Upstairs Bar is extremely proud to present an evening of hauntingly raught pop that some might say falls between the despair of The Czars, the melodic twists of Ivy and the pop sensibilities of Coldplay.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Five-Year-Old Girls and Musty Chiffon

"Trixie, you don't update your blog enough! Do you have writer's block?"

Please.

There's so much for me to write about, I'm backlogged. (Today's post is an amalgam of posts running in my head, so it may not make sense.)

Plus, if I ever don't have something to write about, I just open up the Register-Star, there's always a good story!

For instance, in yesterday's paper, the Hudson police arrested three sex offenders. One was arrested for lifting up a five-year-old girl's dress and touching her inappropriately.

People complain about not getting enough sex in Hudson, but not the five-year-old girls!

The lack of sex in Hudson seems to be ONLY among consenting adults.

If you were a five-year-old girl in Hudson, you'd get hit on all the time!

Meanwhile, I have to leave town to get a fucking date.

Maybe there's a reason why she was called "Baby Jane HUDSON"
Maybe this five-year-old girl thing goes way back.



You know it's been a long time since you've gotten any when you read an article about sex offenders and you wonder,

"Yeah, but, were they cute?"

Probably not.

Here's the list of sex offenders in town, just click here. Type in our infamous zip code, and see for yourself. All the information is out there, all I did was a google search on 'sex offenders in New York'. Boom, done.


From sex offenders to Musty Chiffon....make sure you catch Hudson's own at Spiegeltent next Thursday, July 30th.

You can reserve your tickets here.

People ask me, "Do you and Musty get along?"

I say, "Yeah, why?"

There's a premise that Hudson just can't be big enough for two drag queens (and the assortment of other social misfits in this town).

You see, it is true that the latest Mrs. Roper Poll states that the drag queen per capita ratio is somewhere around one drag queen per 20,000 people.

Which Hudson - of only 6,000 people - clearly has its fair share of gay men, drag queens, trannies, cross-dressers, and lesbians galore!

Since Hudson is such a gay-ish town, it can support it.

I mean, look around you. Even the straight people in Hudson are kinda gay!

Hudson is filled with bossy gals and sensitive guys - all heteros! Put these heteros in Nutley, New Jersey, and they'd wither and die. But, in Hudson, they flourish! They run businesses, they run for office...they run this place!

It's all wonderful!

Going back to Musty and I, we do different things.

Musty performs, I write a blog and sell Tupperware.

Career options for drag queens over the past twenty years have expanded. We are no longer competing for the same dollar bill.... waved in front of us on a stage.

It's a bigger drag-queen-economic pie.

If you hear any drag queen drama between Musty and myself over the bar at the Red Dot, then really we're just making shit up for publicity. It sells tickets.

The real story is that there is no story.

Sorry.

That's all I got for now.

Bye.

Oh yeah, it looks like I might be baking more stuff 'from Trixie's Oven' for PARLOR, (formerly the Muddy Cup), and look for a BINGO night at the wine bar pm on Tuesday, the 21st, and a Tupperware Party at Clear Massage next weekend, the 25th.

I got a lot going on. I'm busy.

PLUS, later this week, you'll see the first installment of my new VIDEO segment, "Trixie Means Business". It's my own way of promoting local businesses in this town.

Love ya,

Trix

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Fairview Pizza Hut All-You-Can-Eat Lunch Buffet

The all-you-can-eat Pizza Hut lunch buffet on Fairview is a little known secret in town.

You can eat all the cheap pizza you want, and a diet coke (of course) for under $10. Mon thru Fri.

The extra "secret" is that they will also give you all the salad you want! But, you have to ASK for the salad, since they don't have enough room on the buffet, and they don't tell anyone. It's Hudson's "Salad Speakeasy" - say the right thing, get a salad.

True.

Don't say I never do anything for you.

Let me tell you when Pizza Hut calls ME.

Let's say you go out on a date, right? And he's a nice guy, kinda cute, kinda not cute....

It's a so-so date....he's not that charming. But, he did show up, and looks clean and fits the picture description....and he has a job.

You think to yourself, 'Hey, what the heck? I'd see him again.'

So, you try to be upbeat and positive, and send him an email the next day saying you had a good time, and you tell him he's cute, and let's get together again....and he responds,

"Um.....I just didn't get butterflies in my stomach from you, but we can be friends."

Then you think to yourself, 'Friends? I don't want to be your fucking friend. I have enough friends. The only thing that makes you even a little interesting is the possibility of seeing the top of your head while you're sucking my dick! And butterflies? Listen, Cinderella, I hope you find your Prince Charming Party Boy who'll give you ALL the butterflies and drama you're looking for. Take it easy, fella!'

That's the email you write, but then save under Drafts and never send. It's just not worth it.

And then you say to yourself, did I just get dumped by a middle-aged gay man who still lives with his mother?

Yes, I did.

THAT is when you go to the Pizza Hut all-you-can-eat lunch buffet and pretend that everything is fine.

:)

Love ya!
Trix

Oh Larry, let me guess what this building was before....